Donna Tashjian

Audio Episode

Donna Tashjian

Donna is the founder of Vibrant Living International, a non-profit organization. She is a Life Mastery Coach, an ordained minister, a podcaster, and an author. She helps bring accelerated transformation to people across the world. She empowers you to master life, spirit, soul, and body. Donna has been speaking and coaching for over 25 years.

She has developed powerful programs and workshops to help you through life's transitions and pain to achieve your goals or dreams. She also produces a podcast called “You Were Designed for Greatness” and has written four books.

Her clients say she has a knack for turning fear into excitement and exposing lies so the truth can shine through.

Donna Tashjian and Ed Watters discussed how to create a life by design, not by default. They discussed the power of choice and how it can make a difference in one's life, as well as how to recognize and overcome negative feelings and self-sabotaging behavior. Donna also discussed the importance of communication and listening to other people's stories, and encouraged listeners to schedule a free consultation with her to see if they are a good fit for her programs.

Action Items

1. Take control of thoughts and emotions.

2. Listen to other people's stories.

3. Recognize and overcome negative feelings and self-sabotaging behavior.

4. Have faith and look for the silver lining in difficult situations.

5. Set boundaries and give yourself permission to be negative for a certain amount of time.

6. Be curious and seek support instead of judgment.

7. Schedule a free consultation with Donna Tashjian to see if her programs are a good fit.

Donna Tashjian

[00:00:00] Donna Tashjian: Always feeling like circumstances are negative and they don't always have to be negative. But it was a story about a woman who was known to have high anxiety and panic attacks and those kind of feelings. And, um, she heard the person telling the story was actually doing the speaking to her when it happened.

[00:00:26] And so she was telling their story that circumstances don't have to be negative, it's what we make them out to be, to make, that makes them positive or negative. And she's like, that doesn't make sense. She says, well, would you give it a try? Next time something that you think is bad and it's, it's, it's negative that you wait three days to freak out.

[00:00:49] And during those three days you keep saying, this might turn out for good and on Friday I get to freak out, kind of a thing. So, she says she agreed to it, didn't know anything negative would happen. She went home and her husband was home from work already. Why are you here? He says, I got fired today.

[00:01:08] And so immediately she wanted to go, ah, and freak out, you know, and all , you know, all of that kind of stuff. And she went, no, I promised I would wait three days. So I get to freak out on Friday but today I'm going to see how this could turn out for good. So, you know, and it was a, it was a struggle for her cause that was her immediate response.

[00:01:31] So every time she'd think about, oh, the kids need new shoes. Oh crap, he lost his job, da da, you know, made her wanna take off again. And so she said, no,

[00:01:39] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:01:40] Donna Tashjian: I'll freak out on Friday, right now, I'm gonna wait and see how this could turn out for good. And so Thursday he comes home in the afternoon and he says, I got a new job, it's closer, and it pays more. And,

[00:01:57] Ed Watters: Amen.

[00:01:58] Donna Tashjian: She went, oh, I don't get to freak out tomorrow.

[00:02:03] Ed Watters: Right on .

[00:02:04] Donna Tashjian: And when we began to have a little bit of faith, she didn't have a lot, when we begin to pray and believe for more, we can attract different things. Then if she, if she had worried, even if he'd got his job and it isn't faith, I think it is, but she would've worried and had a miserable week.

[00:02:30] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:02:30] Donna Tashjian: But because she chose to delay, and that's the kind of thing that I'm, it's, it's, we don't realize how much choice we have with our emotions. We feel like we're ruled by them and it's not the truth, the truth is you have a choice.

[00:02:57] Ed Watters: To overcome, you must educate. Educate not only yourself, but educate anyone seeking to learn. We are all Dead America, we can all learn something. To learn, we must challenge what we already understand, the way we do that is through conversation. Sometimes we have conversations with others, however, some of the best conversations happen with ourself. Reach out and challenge yourself; let's dive in and learn something right now.

[00:03:48] Today we are speaking with Donna Tashjian, she is the creator of Vibrant Living International and we are going to have a conversation about create a life by design, not by default. Donna, could you introduce yourself, let people know just a little bit more about you, please?

[00:04:15] Donna Tashjian: Sure. Um, I am the CEO and founder of Vibrant Living International and my passion is to help people live vibrantly. And, um, I've created different, I'm a Life Mastery coach and helping people to rise above the pain and disappointments of life.

[00:04:33] Now, I was doing that prior to the last two years but the last two years have brought a whole new, um, picture on what that might look like. Um, and then I, as far as personally, um, I'm married and have grandkids, kids, and so life is good.

[00:04:58] Ed Watters: Well, that's a good, good way to be living life the way it should be instead of down in the gutter where a lot of people might be trapped right now. So, our topic today, create a life by design, not by default. What does that mean, Donna?

[00:05:22] Donna Tashjian: When I started, um, researching and going around this topic, so many people, and see if you resonate with this, feels like life's happening to me. Um, I have no control, I am just coping the best that I can with what's happening to me. All in the circumstances and in the world around me.

[00:05:50] And what I have learned is that we can actually create a life by design and then the rest of the sentence is, not by default, not by just letting whatever happens, happen. That I can begin to create a life I love on purpose. That's, and it is happening with my clients every day, does it sound too good to be true?

[00:06:16] Ed Watters: No, that resonates very well with me, you know, that's the premise of our podcast. You know, finding ourselves in these situations, it can be very hard and taxing on our emotion, our physical body. I, I had no idea, when you go through an emotional turmoil, what it will do to you physically.

[00:06:43] Donna Tashjian: Yeah.

[00:06:45] Ed Watters: It, it's amazing. Talk to us about that physical thing that we all go through when we're depressed or in a bad way in life.

[00:06:59][easy-tweet tweet="Donna Tashjian: Well, they have done some studies to actually prove that the thoughts that we think change things to a cellular level in our body."]It affects the chemistry balance, it affects the way things reproduce and grow, and good or not good,

[00:07:20] healthy or not healthy is what I mean. And it all begins with the thoughts that we think. And we, it's so much easier if we can blame someone else, um, it's just so much easier if we can blame someone, and to be angry at someone, and be resentful at someone. And there are circumstances that happen in our life that we have no control over.

[00:07:47] I mean, the last two years have shown that even more. Um, but you know, it doesn't, but I can choose how I respond to circumstances and I can also attract better circumstances by the thoughts that I think. I'll give you an example, so if I'm going into, let's say, a party, remember when we used to go to parties?

[00:08:19] Ed Watters: That's been a while for me.

[00:08:21] Donna Tashjian: It's been a while, but let's remember, let's, back in the olden days when we used to go to parties.

[00:08:27] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:08:28] Donna Tashjian: Wow. And, and I, and I have, I have had a bad day, or feeling insecure, or, um, wanting to kind of hide, not really wanna be there, not really sure if anybody will like me. And I walk in with those thoughts,

[00:08:44] my experience at the party will be different than if I walked in excited, I'm gonna make new friends, I can't wait to talk to people, and it's going to be, everybody's gonna like me and I'm gonna have a good time. I will be at the same party, but depending upon the thoughts, I will have a different experience.

[00:09:08] Now, the sad Donna could blame it on, the people were just mean, they, they don't like me, they, and I could blame it all on that. And sometimes people are mean, but it says more about them than it does about me. And, or,

[00:09:26] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:09:27] Donna Tashjian: or the positive Donna who's looking for friends and expecting to have a good time. Her expectation in what she's looking for is good, the other one is not. And so we can create our own experience. Now, a party's a really mild example, but it equates to everything in your life, including how your health and your body is. What do you think about that?

[00:09:55] Ed Watters: Well, I think that's very, uh, knowledgeable actually, [00:10:00] you know, the insight that you have on that is great because I've experienced it.

[00:10:06] Donna Tashjian: Me too.

[00:10:06] Ed Watters: I didn't learn about being positive until I hit 50 , you know, and then, then my life started. You know, that first 50 years of my life is turmoils, struggles, heartaches, a big learning curve in life. And it wasn't only myself, it was my wife along with me.

[00:10:29] You know, I got married at 19, uh, 1985 and I thought it was gonna be easy. But, yeah, it was nothing easy about it. And those struggles that I faced, I always looked to blame, like you were talking about, and I, I did not understand how to take control of my own thoughts, my own opinions. And project something positive out of a life that might not be so positive.

[00:11:09] Donna Tashjian: Yeah.

[00:11:10] Ed Watters: It took a long time. Now, you, yourself, you've lived a remarkable life and you've struggled with a lot of what most people would call negative things. How did you get through it, Donna?

[00:11:31] Donna Tashjian: Um, well for those, those of you who don't know my, uh, any, much about my history, I also have a podcast called, You Were Designed For Greatness. On an episode one, I go into my story, so that's something that you could check out more in detail. But easy, it suffices to say, at the age of 15, I was a mother.

[00:11:53] Um, and, you remember where you were at 15? I'm like, just stop and think about what you were like at 15 .

[00:12:05] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:12:07] Donna Tashjian: Oh, and it was not consensual. And without going into all the stories, so I am a 15 year old mother. And in, in that, I got, I got married in 84, so we're, we've been, you know, right around the same timeframe and,

[00:12:25] Ed Watters: Right on.

[00:12:25] Donna Tashjian: but when, but prior to that, in that, in the seventies it wasn't okay for teenage pregnancies. There was a whole lot

[00:12:34] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:12:34] Donna Tashjian: of society feelings and, in, in my church circles and things that I grew up in, no matter what the cause. And so it was just learning to be able to, um, process the shame and embarrassment, and anger, and resentment, and frustration, and fear.

[00:13:01] And oh my God, fear , you're 15, remember when we're 15 and whatever we felt was like 200%, you know, it's like, I'm really sad, I'm really happy. There's no middle ground, you're a 100, you know, 200% and so there was all of those strong emotions. But one thing that I had and , um, was with me as, I had a relationship with God. And that is part, the main reason I am where I am today, is I had something, I had somebody to rely on.

[00:13:38] I had someone that was there for me, to be able to give me, and I don't know exactly where I found it, but I had this tenacity that I was gonna prove everybody wrong. I didn't know how , I didn't have a clue how, I had to finish high school yet, come on. And I, and I remember being in my apartment at 18 trying to figure out how I'm going to eat. Um,

[00:14:04] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:14:04] Donna Tashjian: and I was working full-time at 18 with a three-year-old going to school one night or two nights a week, taking one class, with a child. And I made $1 too much to get assistance in food

[00:14:19] Ed Watters: Oh, wow.

[00:14:20] Donna Tashjian: and if I'd have stayed home, I'd have got it. My rent would've been paid, I wouldn't have struggled, it'd have been easy, right? It just wasn't in me. I wanted to, and, and I've been an entrepreneur, that kind of thinking forever. It's like I want to be able to create something better. And so just learning to be able, what books you read, what movies you listen to, what, what podcast you listen to. There is so much information that we can use to feed ourselves with positive. Or you can turn on the news, which is never positive, never positive. And in my opinion, I don't even know if it's true. Um, everybody's got a slant, leave it at that.

[00:15:11] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:15:11] Donna Tashjian: So learning to be able to find the resources because we are, our body is what we eat. If I eat candy all day long, I will make my body sick. And it's the same thing with my mind, what are you feeding it? and where are, I mean, social media, where are you looking? If that upsets you, don't keep doing it. It's like you go to the doctor, my arm hurts when I do that, well, don't do that. And so learn to be able to, I, I think there is such an amazing, good things that are changing and happening in our world, in America.

[00:15:55] It's all on where you look, it's where you're beginning to put your focus. Have there always been broken things? Yes. All you gotta do is talk to your grandma or your Grandpa , or, or, or read, or read the newspapers from those days, from the past. We've been dealing with things, not the same things,[easy-tweet tweet="but we've been dealing with things for a long time and it's all on where you choose. You can, if you think you can and you can't, if you think you can't." template="user"]

[00:16:33] Ed Watters: That's powerful and I love that. You know, so many of us get stuck, like I alluded to earlier, with our own self-destructive thought. And I, I'm number one at that, I, I loved to dish on myself. And I still find myself doing that and I have to put the brakes on that. And then I have to remind myself where I've been and where I am now. And that's amazing, the transformation.

[00:17:08] Donna Tashjian: Yes.

[00:17:08] Ed Watters: Through that little boy that was confused, scared, alone in many ways, to a man that takes care of business. When I say something, I really, earnestly, honestly try to make that happen. If I can't, communication, it's key. And that's why I love podcasting, communication is a life changer. And when we open ourselves to listening to stories about other people and what they've had to go through, and we end up finding our own struggles are not always as heavy as they appear to be. You know, celebrating life is hard. How, how can people recognize where to place themselves and how to enjoy life? Because a lot of times the acquaintance that we make wants to highlight themselves and put you in your place. What, what, what do we do about that?

[00:18:37] Donna Tashjian: Um, I have an answer, um, to that, but I want to, um, go a little bit further. The Life By Design program is teaching people how to live and using the gifts and the laws of the spirit. Because there are things, it's like gravity, it's in operation. It's there for our benefit, but if we use it incorrectly, we could break a leg. And the laws of the spirit are similar, it's just we're not aware of them. The most popular that people have heard of is the Law of Attraction. But there's nine other ones that I teach that people don't often hear about that are working, and when we use them incorrectly, it appears that life's just out to get me. And so, um, I wanted to mention that because you had asked that question earlier. I, the question you asked me if I understand right just now is, is, celebrating life is hard, what do we do about that? Is that pretty much what you're asking me?

[00:19:48] Ed Watters: Yeah, yeah. There's so many influences that navigate for us, we have to be able to navigate our own structure. But I want your [00:20:00] opinion on that.

[00:20:02] Donna Tashjian: I would challenge that it doesn't have to be hard. It has to be hard, you think it's hard and therefore it is. But what if it was easy? [easy-tweet tweet="What if it was easy to choose? Just because it was hard in the past, does it have to be hard tomorrow?" template="qlite"] We actually get to choose our experience. I can choose that things are, this is awful, um, you know, all of the expletives we might say. But I can choose also, this is gonna work out for my good. I can choose that this isn't easy, one of the, or that it can be easy. One of the questions I ask my clients is, finish this sentence, life is blank. And if you,

[00:20:56] Ed Watters: Would you like, okay,

[00:20:57] Donna Tashjian: Go ahead.

[00:20:57] Ed Watters: Go ahead.

[00:20:58] Donna Tashjian: Go ahead, life is what?

[00:20:59] Ed Watters: Life is blank. Life is precious and the most valuable gift you will ever receive, live it to its fullest.

[00:21:10] Donna Tashjian: Yes. And I, I get words like, life is hard, life is a struggle, life is difficult, life is challenging. And when that is a core belief, that will be continually your experience no matter what you're going through. And so one of those, if that's just a little highlight to see what, what is, what's, because the story that I'm telling myself about the world around me, about my beliefs, creates my experience. If you think about the divisiveness that's been, as people have said, this equals this. And it doesn't always equal that, that's their opinion that that equals that.

[00:22:02] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:22:03] Donna Tashjian: And so when we begin to understand that there's a lot more to understand, like you had said when we, when we were first chatting, is it doesn't have to be hard. If you got up every day and said, I make decisions easily, I always have favor, I always, things always work out for me, and I'm looking forward to this never before lived day. You will have a different day than if you go, oh God, my back hurts,

[00:22:35] Ed Watters: That's right, truth.

[00:22:39] Donna Tashjian: I'm getting old. And, and you may feel those emotions, but the words that you chose when you wake up help determine the kind of day that you're going to have. And it also, uh, makes you see perspective and opportunities, that if I'm going uug, I'm not gonna see.

[00:23:05] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:23:06] Donna Tashjian: And so learning to be able to lift up your eyes, are, are you the bug on the ground in the grass? Are you the bird in the air looking down at the grass? And most of the time I felt like I was weeding through a jungle, ugh, this is so hard.

[00:23:25] Ed Watters: Yeah, yeah.

[00:23:27] Donna Tashjian: Um, and it is mind boggling when I realize I can be going through the same circumstances and have different experiences by the choices, and the thoughts, and the words that I speak. I can create a different experience for me, it brings back control. Look at gas prices, we can either look at them in fear or we can look at them in faith that I will have what I need, when I need it. And it will

[00:23:59] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:23:59] Donna Tashjian: create a different experience and attract, so many people are retracting, I can't afford this, I can't afford that. They're creating their experience. Yes, money can be tight, but you will attract new opportunities by the words you speak and the thoughts you think.

[00:24:17] Ed Watters: Oh, I love that , that, that outlines so much right there. And you know, oh, where do you unpack that? But, uh, yes, so true. There's been so many times when I wake up and that negative feeling sets in, I have to take the reins of that. And I even let my wife know when she comes out first thing in the morning, Hey, I'm having a bad day, don't take anything today personal. I don't mean to offend, and let's just let you know straight up front, there's a spirit in me today that I'm having a hard time with. We have to recognize that. And when we do the power it unleashes, you, like you said, choose.

[00:25:23] Donna Tashjian: Yeah.

[00:25:23] Ed Watters: And the, the power of choice makes you outstanding if you choose your own choices and not let the influence of what a friend might think of you. Or, you know, do the right thing even though your boss might fire you if you don't, so what? You get to choose the life you live. And the more that I live that, and be open with that, and let people know immediately this is how it is, it changes your life forever. You don't have to be a mean person, you don't have to be, uh, excluded in any way, you just have to be a boundary person, set your own boundaries. So going back to a 15 year old child and recognizing you've got a life to live that many of us will never experience,

[00:26:40] Donna Tashjian: Yeah.

[00:26:41] Ed Watters: how did that make you feel and how did you overcome those struggles of fear and anxiety, and at that time, probably worthlessness and, you know, many other self sabotage feelings?

[00:27:00] Donna Tashjian: Yes. Um, one day at a time, that was,

[00:27:07] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:27:07] Donna Tashjian: that was exactly it, it was one day at a time. Um, I remember when I met my husband and we'd first got married, he told me how much he made annually. He had gotten a raise and he told me what the annual is and I'm like, what is that a week? You know, because I'm like, how much is that a week? How much is that every two weeks? How much is that? Because I could not think that long term. And that's one of the things that, uh, shows people in low income as well as small thinking is being able to, where do you wanna be a year from now? What do you want, what do you wanna be five years from now? And begin to look down the road.

[00:27:52] And so that was something that I learned to do is to be able to look down the road and to, but I, I was, I could always see, um, no, that's not a correct statement, I didn't always see, but I was prone to see the silver lining. I just have, I tend to, it's gonna, yeah, I don't know why, but I know it's gonna work out.

[00:28:15] Um, there were some days that I was in tears that did not feel that way, but overall, that was, um, the way that I looked at things. You made a moment, a statement, uh, the other day, I mean, a couple minutes ago that I'd like to go back to when you said, I wake up in the morning and I tell my wife that I'm grumpy and that just to, you know, just to, just take what I say today with a grain of salt, you know, cause I'm just kind of in a grumpy mood, remember that? Yeah. So one of the things that I've learned is instead of saying it's going to be a day that I'm having a grumpy day, give yourself 15 minutes to get it all out. Write it down, scream it, yell it, whatever works for you. But I'm going to get all this negative out for 15 minutes and then I'm gonna be good.

[00:29:08] That is an amazing tool, not to make your whole day that way or your whole week, is just give yourself permission to be negative for a certain amount of time, whatever works for you. And then at 15 minutes, set a timer at 15 minutes, I'm done and I'm gonna choose to be positive. I, I'd love you to try that and message me and see how that works.

[00:29:34] Ed Watters: Well, I will, because, you know, one of the things that I try daily is, me and my wife, we have a routine. I always wake up way earlier than her and I know about what time she wakes up. So I'll go in and I will reassure her of my [00:30:00] affection for her, my love for her and you know, the day is okay, we're, we're here. Because my wife, she's, she's led a pretty hard life of depression and anxiety and she, she was, uh, abused while she was a child

[00:30:21] and, you know, that's tough to deal with. And then she meets me and goes through many years of these different things and, you know, we grew together. But understanding after I got injured and I went through, I wanna die, I asked for assisted suicide, something hit me hard. And I, I say, God crushed me into little pebbles so he could mix in the right ingredients and make me a foundation of concrete, God's concrete, which can't be destroyed

[00:31:13] and I really believe that. I, I still have my days, but every day I wake up thankful. Even though I'm having a bad day, I'm thankful I'm alive, I have a good wife that cares for me, stands by me, and she recognizes the struggles that we face together. These challenges are hard and many marriages, they end soon because of little, tiny things, we don't have to be that way. And it's all what you just said, that positive outlook. And I am going to challenge myself and try that 15 minute thing. I, I really like that, it's good insight.

[00:32:08] Donna Tashjian: Yeah. It's amazing when we give ourselves permission to do it for a period of time, it's kind of like, it gets it out of our system and it's like, okay, um, instead of losing a whole day to negative feelings and stuff. One of the other things that I, uh, um, heard a story about and it's, uh, always feeling like, uh, circumstances are negative and they don't always have to be negative. But it was a story about a woman who was known to have high anxiety and panic attacks and those kind of feelings. And, um, she heard,

[00:32:54] the person telling the story was actually doing the speaking to her when it happened. And so she was telling their story that circumstances don't have to be negative. It's what we make them out to be, to make, that makes them positive or negative. And she's like, that doesn't make sense. She says, well, would you give it a try? Next time

[00:33:13] something that you think is bad and it's, it's, it's negative, that you wait three days to freak out. And during those three days you keep saying, this might turn out for good and on Friday I get to freak out, kind of a thing. So, she says she agreed to it, didn't know anything negative would happen.

[00:33:34] She went home and her husband was home from work already. Why are you here? He says, I got fired today. And so immediately she wanted to go, ah, and freak out, you know, and all , you know, all of that kind of stuff. And she went, no , I promised I would wait three days, so I get to freak out on Friday

[00:33:56] but today I'm going to see how this could turn out for good. So, you know, and it was a, it was a struggle for her cause that was her immediate response. So every time she'd think about, oh, the kids need new shoes, oh crap, he lost his job, da da, you know, made her wanna take off again. And so she said, no,

[00:34:13] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:34:13] Donna Tashjian: I'll freak out on Friday. Right now, I'm gonna wait and see how this could turn out for good. And so Thursday he comes home in the afternoon and he says, I got a new job, it's closer, and it pays more. And

[00:34:29] Ed Watters: Amen.

[00:34:31] Donna Tashjian: and she went, oh, I don't get to freak out tomorrow.

[00:34:36] Ed Watters: Right on .

[00:34:38] Donna Tashjian: And when we begin to have a little bit of faith, she didn't have a lot, when we begin to pray and believe for more, we can attract different things than if she, if she had worried. Even if he'd got his job, and it isn't faith, I think it is, but she would've worried and had a miserable week.

[00:35:04] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:35:04] Donna Tashjian: But because she chose to delay, and that's the kind of thing that I'm, it's , it's, we don't realize how much choice we have with our emotions. We feel like we're ruled by them, and it's not the truth.

[00:35:22] The truth is, you have a choice. I have a soap box or a pet peeve about the, the people that are suffering with anxiety and depression. I feel like we sabotage them because those are the only illnesses that we say the words I am in front of. I am depressed, I am anxious, we do not say I am cancer.

[00:35:53] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:35:54] Donna Tashjian: And we

[00:35:54] Ed Watters: Interesting.

[00:35:55] Donna Tashjian: begin to equate our identity with the emotional trauma and stuff that's going on. Instead of saying, I feel anxious, we, it disassociates, if you use coaching lingo, with the emotions to how we're feeling. So one other tip, stop saying I am.

[00:36:21] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:36:21] Donna Tashjian: Don't own it, say right now

[00:36:23] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:36:23] Donna Tashjian: for the next 15 minutes, I'm mad .

[00:36:27] Ed Watters: Yeah. Yeah. That, that's really good, I like that. So, uh, another topic I wanna talk to you about is that self-sabotaging behavior. You kind of just touched on it with positive attitude. What, what are some of the tricks that you can use and what, what's the best way to start? Because sometimes starting is the hardest part.

[00:37:05] Donna Tashjian: Everything that our mind does and chooses in the subconscious is trying to do something for our good. It doesn't always look like that's the results, but when we begin to, uh, to me, I didn't figure this out till I worked with a coach.

[00:37:25] I didn't, I wasn't able to have my, uh, figure out my own self sabotaging and hidden, those hidden pitfalls where we keep doing it and we don't know why we're doing it, kind of thing.

[00:37:36] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:37:36] Donna Tashjian: But, um, there are, there are reasons that we choose the behavior that we want to criticize. Um, the, and it usually goes down to a super base level of safety and belonging, those are some of the core reasons why. So you're going to a party, you just decided to get healthy, you decided to cut out all the sugar, and you decided to work out, and you go to a party. And it surprised you, you didn't know it was somebody's birthday and everybody's having a piece of cake. You just said, I'm not eating sugar

[00:38:18] and everyone is handing a piece of cake and they walk up to you and they start to hand you the cake. The part of your brain that says, I don't wanna stand out, I want love and belonging, I'll just take the cake. I'll start tomorrow on my diet. That's the kind of thing that I'm talking about to give you an example of what go, and, and all of that happened without you probably being aware of it,

[00:38:48] you just took the cake. I've done it, I know exactly, I know what it feels like. And, and, and so we do those, the, our, we wanna beat ourselves up and judge ourselves because we're not, oh, there, I did it, I tried to get healthy again and I screwed up again. Why? Why do I even try? I, I, I might as well just give up.

[00:39:10] I mean, it's just like, ugh, all right, it's hard and I'll try again tomorrow and, and all of that. But anytime we judge it, the judgment does not create the behavior that we think it will. Judgment actually helps you to retain the behavior that you don't want to happen. The way that I say it is, whatever you judge, you retain or repeat.

[00:39:38] So if I am super critical of myself, I will continue to eat the cake, if you will.

[00:39:45] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:39:46] Donna Tashjian: And so it is learning, the, the key to overcoming self-sabotage is being curious of why I'm eating the cake. Because you probably didn't really want the cake, you wanted the love and the [00:40:00] belonging. And everybody's having a party and you wanted to be part of it, you didn't wanna be left out.

[00:40:04] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:40:05] Donna Tashjian: And so those are the reasons why we eat the cake and it's why we do the things where we might not normally do. Um, and there's always a reason, so it's just discovering what the reason is and there's no easy answer. If I could tell everybody what self sabotage reasons were, then I would, you know, be in a, I would fix everything. But, but those are some real,

[00:40:31] Ed Watters: You wouldn't have time to talk to me.

[00:40:33] Donna Tashjian: those are some real clues to be able to

[00:40:36] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:40:36] Donna Tashjian: get curious, not judgment. And get support on why you're not doing what you wanna be doing. But it's, it's something that's wanting to take care of you, not harm you.

[00:40:48] Ed Watters: Yeah, I like that. So Donna, I want you to talk to people about your coaching programs that you offer, and I believe you have a book, could you talk to people about what you offer.

[00:41:04] Donna Tashjian: Yes. Um, I have, uh, two primary programs, the first is called Turn Your Baggage Into Luggage. So you can create a life you love with confidence and ease, but it's called Turn Your Baggage Into Luggage. And that is pretty self-explanatory, let's turn our bag, our luggage, our baggage around the stuff we've been dragging around that stinks. And be able to create that luggage that you're gonna go, you know, I want you to picture the trash bags compared to the luggage with the sunhat and the sunglasses, and I'm going somewhere, and life is good.

[00:41:45] Um, And so that program is a six month coaching program that helps people to transform that. And I see amazing results from people all around the world, so that's one program. The other one you mentioned before, the Life by Design, Not By Default, helping people to learn the 10 laws of the spirit and the nine gifts that we possess to be able to actually create the life we love.

[00:42:08] I,[easy-tweet tweet="this is one of my favorite quotes, impossibility is not a fact, it's an opinion. And I love that. So, think about that for a minute, impossibility is not a fact, it's an opinion." template="modern"]So if anything was possible and I could show you how, that's what Life By Design is about. And then my book, and then you can ask me questions.

[00:42:34] My, the, I have several, but the main book that's a free gift on my website is called An Umbrella on a Sunny Day. And the title came from, the thought is, you know, life usually rains on me, it's sunny out today, but I better bring my umbrella cause sooner or later it rains on me.

[00:42:59] And so that's what that book is about, uh, it shares my personal story and it shares, um, four different tools to be able to put away our umbrella and enjoy the sunshine so that we're not waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then it has some women sharing their stories of having done work with me and how were they able to put their umbrella away and begin to enjoy life in a whole new way. So those are three things I'd like to highlight, you have any questions?

[00:43:30] Ed Watters: Well, uh, now you've got a free book, what is the onboarding process like to get into one of these programs?

[00:43:41] Donna Tashjian: The first step is scheduling a consultation and so, and that is free. And it is on my website under schedule, I think it says Schedule Now tab, choosing the complimentary consultation that is there on, and that would be the first step.

[00:43:58] See if we're a good fit for each other and where I can describe the program and what it would do for the specific person I'm speaking to, what their needs are and how I'll be able to address them. So that would be the first step. And for some reason, if neither one of my programs are the right fit, I know lots of resources to be able to help you live to your fullest potential. I wanna help you live vibrantly.

[00:44:26] Ed Watters: Uh, yeah, that's, that's key. We all want people to be better and, and that's our journey in life, really. So, Donna, do you have a call to action for our listeners?

[00:44:40] Donna Tashjian: Yes. Schedule a call with me, that's what I would love is, have a, have a conversation. Because wherever you are, you could be a little bit more, like the couple tips that I gave Ed today. Instead of having a whole bad day, I'm gonna have 15 minutes and I'm gonna give that a try.

[00:44:58] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:44:58] Donna Tashjian: So no matter where you are, there will be something that you can take away from your conversation with me to, so my call to action is schedule a call.

[00:45:09] Ed Watters: And could you tell people your website and your socials, how to get ahold of you?

[00:45:16] Donna Tashjian: On, my website address is the letter ivibrantliving.com, I'll say it one more time,

[00:45:24] the letter ivibrantliving.com. All my social media links are on my website, my name is pretty unusual, so it's easy to search and it will be in the show notes, I'm sure. So,

[00:45:39] Ed Watters: Yep.

[00:45:39] Donna Tashjian: Um, and then you just look for the schedule now tab and schedule your call and look around. There's a whole lot of other resources there.

[00:45:51] Ed Watters: Donna, I love your positivity and your insight. Uh, people need to get ahold of you, you're, you're fascinating and your coaching is definitely going to help many people. I wanna say thank you for being part of the Dead America Podcast and you are welcome to come back anytime.

[00:46:13] Donna Tashjian: Thank you, Ed. It's been my pleasure.

[00:46:20] Ed Watters: Thank you for joining us today. If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational, in any way, please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another great episode of Dead America Podcast. I'm Ed Watters your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you may be.