Julie Barth Grief Trauma and Women’s Empowerment

Julie Barth

[00:00:00] Julie Barth: You know, I think it’s so crazy that when star athletes, right, when they wanna join the NBI or they wanna, everyone says to them, Okay, but you have to have a backup plan. You know, I know this is your dream. I know that you’re very good at what you do, and I know where this is, this, your heart is at, but you have to have a backup plan. We tell athletes that.

[00:00:54] Ed Watters: Today, we are speaking with Julie Barth. She is an author, she is the [00:01:00] mother of six, and also she’s the founder of a nonprofit, Colin James Barth Outreach. Julie, could you please introduce yourself? Let people know just a little more about you, please.

[00:01:13] Julie Barth: Sure. Um, my name again is Julie Barth and, um, I have six children, which usually defines someone a little bit. Um, I, um, have a special needs daughter, I am a, I was a very young widow, and, um, I was, um, in a very abusive relationship. Um, so I combined all of those experiences and my hope is to, um, help people everywhere with, um, trauma and grief and, and all these different experiences I went through. Um, just in helping, you know, make a community of people who, um, I guess are kinder to one another and, and put their, um, you know, put their best face forward, um, and keep, you know, keep trudging along, and more thrive [00:02:00] than survive, I guess. I feel like sometimes we can all feel like we’re just surviving, um, but we’re only here once, so I think thriving is the way to go.

[00:02:10] Ed Watters: Yeah. That’s hard to do at times, especially in the world, because everybody makes it feel like such a competition. So yeah. When we open up and we invite others in, it really becomes a whole different world. And I enjoy doing that now. I, in the past, would avoid that. So, so often I would flee from a situation like that. So this is a new thing for me, but it’s such a pleasant change for sure. So my first question to you is, what do they mean when they say abuse prevention? [00:03:00] What is your thought and explanation on that?

[00:03:05] Julie Barth: Um, well, you know, when someone says abuse prevention, um, I think that almost might put it back on the victim a little bit more. That sounds as if you know their every, I get there are signs of it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not like when you’re being abused, um, someone comes right out the gate and says to you, I’m going to act really nice right now, but then I’m going to lure you in and I’m gonna keep getting meaner. Um, I guess if there’s a positive to abuse prevention, it’s to, um, and what I, what I speak about is like your house has a house alarm, your car has a car alarm, your brain has a natural alarm. And when you get those like funny feelings, you know, like something’s not right here, something’s not adding up, um, your body tells you when you’re in a, a dangerous situation, a toxic situation, or one that really, you just, for whatever reason, should [00:04:00] flee, get out of, or find a, a different path. Um, I think it’s, prevention would be about learning to listen to what your inner soul is telling you rather than to make excuses to go with the status quo

’cause it’s easier. Because, you know, I, that old phrase that, The devil you know. Um, but the devil you know is still the devil. And, um, unless you can, then it’s, it’s hard. I mean, you don’t even know you’re in these abusive situations, um, you know, emotionally, I think. But when you allow to just like sit with yourself and listen to what you’re, you know, you get all of, it, it’s not just your brain, it’s like your entire body. I got to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed. I, you know, my muscles were tight, my, everything in my body was saying like, this is toxic. You need to do something. But instead of, um, hearing that alarm and putting action to it, I heard the alarm and I froze. And I think that’s what we all [00:05:00] tend to do is just like freeze. And alarms aren’t meant to make you stop, they are meant to make you act. So, you know, that’s, that’s how I see abuse prevention is to, you know, we teach children about good touches and bad touches and, and I think what we really need to teach them more is like, listen to what your, your body is telling you, listen to what your brain is telling you. If it feels wrong in any situation, get out. Do something, find safety, you know, move, act. And I think that’s really the crux of all of it.

[00:05:33] Ed Watters: Yeah, I, I like that a lot. So another, another big question would be, How do people actually ask for help when they’re in a situation like that?

[00:05:47] Julie Barth: It’s really hard. Um, because usually when you’re in a situation such as mine, you know, people have sat on the sidelines. Probably the average woman, it takes ’em seven times to actually leave. Or actually the average person, I shouldn’t, I’m [00:06:00] not excluding this to women. Um, but it takes you seven times to act and try and leave, and then you go back. And I think the problem is that you’ve, you’ve talked to people, you, you know, you usually ruminate so much over these situations, but you know, the minute they step in and they say something, like they try and help you, you’re very defensive about it. So you do get to a point where you look around and you think, If I tell, you know, like everybody knows

I’ve been hiding it. We’ve all been playing this like a pretend game where you don’t know, I don’t know. Um, so you almost feel ashamed. And like if I go to someone and I say, I need help, you, you worry about the, you know, proverbial I told you so. Um, you’re worried you’re gonna look stupid. Um, but in the end, what my philosophy on it is, it doesn’t matter. People think, how you think, what’s good for you, and stop worrying so much about what other people think. Then you’re putting yourself first and you’ll find a way, you know, to [00:07:00] find those resources that will help you rather than avoid the ones that you know are so toxic to you, because they’re all just a part of your world. You just need to break outta that cycle. So I would say go to a third party, go to somebody who doesn’t know anything about your situation. And that’s kind of what our charity was formed on is, you know, I can’t tell my friends, I can’t tell my family. And I, and you usually leave your family, you leave your friends, um, you’ve isolated yourself because you’re just so

focused on trying to fix it. And sometimes just even, you know, going to somebody you don’t know and saying, All right, here’s the situation I’m dealing with. What is your opinion? What do you think I should do? And finding someone who’s been there before. Um, and it doesn’t matter if they believe you, ’cause that’s also a big thing. Like, well, what if they don’t believe you? It doesn’t matter. If you need help for whatever reason that is, you know, then you find, someone will help you regardless of whether you’re to blame or not. And don’t let those feelings of guilt and [00:08:00] shame and blame, um, stop you from doing what you know you should do in these situations.

[00:08:06] Ed Watters: Yeah. Finding comfort in yourself is hard to do at times because I, I think we measure ourselves on the wrong things. Society has taught us systematic ways of living instead of our more natural, caring, loving nature of family tribe. And, uh, we’re, we’re definitely in a situation, we’re hurting out there. That’s an odd way to start the podcast, but I, I, that’s really been going over my mind since your information came across the desk. So let’s get back into your story now and let’s cover, you lost your [00:09:00] first husband and this started you on your journey, I take it. That must have been overwhelming to lose someone with four children and then try to restart. What was that like for you, Julie?

[00:09:22] Julie Barth: Um, well, just to back up a little, um, it actually started with my daughter. So I have a twenty-four, she’s twenty-four now. Um, but she has primordial dwarfism, which is a type of dwarfism. And when she was born, um, we travel, I traveled the country, you know, going over forty different, um, hospitals. It wasn’t, um, it wasn’t a comedy of errors, it was straight up errors. So whatever had gotten her to, um, the birth circumstances that she was in, um, was just a cascade of medical malpractice and problems. And so right as she was starting to get better, um, and we had had, we had our [00:10:00] older child and then we had her two young, that’s when Colin fell ill. So not only was I dealing, you know, we had, the, the youngest was six months, the oldest was ten, and then the special needs daughter in the middle.

And, um, I was told, you know, he had gone back and forth to the doctor and, uh, he went to the hospital one day and within two hours of him being there, I, we found out that he had stage four pancreatic cancer. And about two, two days later, we were told, He has two weeks to live. Go take him home, let him say goodbye to his kids. And I was, you know, when you’re in that fight or flight situation and you’re, I was running on adrenaline, truly, and cortisol just from my daughter. So when I was presented with that, I thought, Well, I’m not gonna, I’m not going to believe what you’re telling me. He is not gonna go. You know, we’re gonna, we’re gonna.

His mother was, had ovarian cancer. She beat it. And I was just kind of on autopilot, you [00:11:00] know, let’s fix this. Let’s, we’re gonna find the right guy. And we, we did, he, he lived sixteen months, which some of them were a blessing and others a curse. But it, it was a lot, it was a lot of juggling. And like I said, I think a lot of autopilot. Um, I, I didn’t think, I just did. You know, there wasn’t a point in my day where I was like, you know, I think I’m going to, it was one thing, and then I forget another thing, and oh, I gotta get the kids and oh, the laundry and, oh, I forgot about Colin. Um, so I would say it was probably sixteen months of, um, literally, I, I remember very little of it. So if, when people ask me, How did you survive? I guess my answer was, I just did. I, I didn’t think there was an option not to survive. So somehow your brain just goes on autopilot and you fix what you can, and you try and ignore what you can’t fix.

[00:11:51] Ed Watters: Yeah. This is one of the biggest fears that I have as a husband, is leaving my wife in a situation [00:12:00] like that. And also, then your story goes into your next marriage and it gets traumatic there. And it, it’s really disturbing that people have to go through these things, but you did. So what was that next stage like?

[00:12:21] Julie Barth: I think that the first stage, you know, when you talk about, um, you’re not opened to other people, I, I think I had lived, you know, four or five years now with Tatum, um, my daughter with special needs and, and Colin just being in this bubble of I gotta do it. I gotta take care of it. And if I let people in or I let them help, it was all gonna go, you know, I had to micromanage every little bit. ‘Cause if I let any of it fall, then I’d, I’d be in trouble. So after he passed away, I had let go of all my friends, I had let go of all my family, I’d really just isolated myself and I didn’t want to revisit it.

Um, it was [00:13:00] sixteen months of watching, you know, him die every single day. So people that weren’t in the home that didn’t have to watch it, their grieving process started when he died. And I had already been grieving for, you know, sixteen months and I was almost like, I’m done grieving when they just started. So there was a lot of, um, I guess I felt like everyone was looking at me like, why aren’t you sadder? Like, how are you just moving on? How are you, you know, why aren’t you, you know, basically, why aren’t you just not getting outta bed and so sad? And I had sat in sadness for so long that I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I kind of just packed him away and thought if I didn’t deal with him and didn’t think about it, I could just almost take a vacation or just move along and not be Julie Barth anymore.

So I think that that was the perfect setup for someone to come into my life and take advantage of that and use all of [00:14:00] those weaknesses and all the grief and, you know, sadness that I had, against me. Um, I tend to be a pleaser by nature anyway. And he didn’t wanna know about me, he didn’t want to, he didn’t want me to talk about it, which I was just fine not talking about. Um, but after a certain point, you know, I think that that was a perfect storm for him to, like I said, take advantage of me. To use all of that, um, to turn on me and to make me, you know, to control me, I guess. So in not taking the time to grieve and, you know, I know everybody would say that to me, like, You’ve not even taken the time to grieve.

And it used to bother me ’cause I was like, How do you know what I’ve done? Um, did I? I don’t know. Should I have? I don’t know. I am where I am, I’ve been through what I’ve been through. Uh, I had two more beautiful daughters and now I am on this mission to make sure, you know, women aren’t put in that position again if I can help it. So, you know, I, I’m grateful for every [00:15:00] decision I made, I don’t regret them. Even if they didn’t turn out the way that I wanted them to. Um, it’s made me who I am and I’m, I’m gonna make a positive out of it. And so I, you know, that’s kind of how I dealt with it. Whether that was right or wrong, it was, I did what I did when I could. And I think people in my situation, that’s kind of my message is don’t beat yourself up, you know? You do what you do when you’re presented with a challenge and with the best of intentions. And whether it works out or not, you had the best of intentions to begin with.

[00:15:33] Ed Watters: Yeah, that’s why it’s so important to know how to ask for help and identify when you need the help. And that’s why it’s kind of awesome what you’re doing out there, providing that transitional help, if you will, to individuals in need of that. Could you talk to us about that service that you provide through your nonprofit?

[00:15:59] Julie Barth: So it [00:16:00] started, um, just last year, so we’re, it’s still evolving. Um, my, my hope is to find, uh, so I’ve been in many different situations, you know, I’ve been this special needs mom, which comes with its own emotional and financial burdens, I’ve been a widow, I’ve been, um, the caregiver to a terminally ill husband, I’ve been, you know, the divorced woman who’s, you know, fighting for custody against a narcissist. So our organization was based on the premise, you know, in America it’s almost as if you cannot get help unless you have nothing left. And I get that. And I appreciate all those charities out there, I do. They do great work. If I need to flee my home, if I, you know, if my house burns down, there are places that you can go and many great organizations. But when you’re in the situations that I’ve been in, I was not destitute, I did not lose my home, but I needed help.

And unless I lost everything, it was almost like, Well, you have a house. But I [00:17:00] couldn’t make my mortgage, you know? Well, you have a car. Yeah, but I can’t make the car payment. So in a, you know, when, when these divorce situations happen, the average man’s, uh, life, life situation goes down ten percent financially. The average woman’s goes down forty-four percent. Yes, she typically gets the house. But when you think about that, she gets the house, she gets the children, and she gets the mortgage. So even if he’s paying child support, he’s getting a $700 rental, she’s still stuck with a $2,500 mortgage and you’re not getting compensated for all that. And if you haven’t worked, then you’re trying to get a job and everyone’s saying, Well, where’s your work experience?

Well, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for ten years. And what, they’re like, Well, what have you been doing for ten years? When I’ve, I’ve been devoting my life to, you know, organizing a house, taking, you know, your counselor, your, your therapist, your, you know, you’re running a home, your finances, you’re, you’re paying bills, [00:18:00] you’re doing all of these things, but you enter the workforce and people look at you like, Where have you been? You don’t know anything, you’re, you don’t have any marketable skills, but you’re, you’re supposed to go out and get a full-time job to support a family. You’re not being supported anymore, in some cases, you’re not getting anything. And you know, then you’re just left to your own device and there’s nowhere to turn.

You know, like I said, I used to show up for certain programs and I would look around and think, Oh my gosh, I just drove up with my Volvo. I don’t deserve this. But even though I was driving a Volvo, I could not pay my bills. I could not protect my children. So again, our organization is based on the premise that we don’t want women to have to lose everything to get something. So we’re taking women-led households who find themselves at a time of crisis, whether that means divorce, whether that means, there’s many reasons that you can become head of household suddenly. Um, your, you know, one, two incomes goes down to one or [00:19:00] your zero income goes down to zero.

And we want to do things to provide a bridge to get them, you know, jobs that are actually, you know, um, in, in line with their education and their, and their training. And, and, and meaningful jobs, not just a, not just a, you know, a weekly pay. We want them to feel solid and secure and confident. So we kind of work on all ends. You know, we take each situation. If you come to me, oh, you need a bridge loan, you know, until you can get to a place where, um, you know, you can pick up your, your mortgage. So we’re trying, what we’re doing is we’re trying to almost not be a cookie cutter charity where you just, you know, we, we give this, this, or this.

It’s more, you come to us, we’re almost consultants, I figure out what you need. ‘Cause most of the time you don’t even know what you need or where to start. And we kind of say, Okay, well, we’re gonna get you a financial planner, we’re gonna get you this. Um, so that’s, we’re, and I [00:20:00] hate to say like a concierge service, um, but you know what, like I said, Women work so hard in and out of the home, and when tragedy happens, there is nothing for them until they lose everything. And they shouldn’t have to work so hard, lose everything, and then have someone step in. And as a society, doesn’t it make more sense that we stop them from the spiral into poverty and we help support them so that they are, you know, fully functional

and their children are protected. I don’t understand why our society’s like, okay, once you make a vow of poverty now, we’ll give you just this amount. But we’re gonna give you just this amount. And if you try and make any more money, we’re gonna take it all away. It’s, it’s set up to keep you submissive, it’s set up to put you in your place, and, and you get stuck and there’s no way to get out of it. It’s just a horrible cycle and we’re trying to break those cycles. So, sorry I went on and on. But I have my soap box, I guess.

[00:20:58] Ed Watters: No, [00:21:00] that’s, that’s beautiful. You know, they hit you at your most vulnerable time. And many women are in that situation. My wife, she really didn’t understand how to even run a household, do a budget, and it caused a lot of problems. So we’ve been diligently working on educating her in case I go. I, I want her secure and to know how to make it in life without being so vulnerable. She’s gonna be vulnerable enough just under the stress of, you know, the grief. And, and this, there’s so many other situations that put women, and, and men, you know, we, we all live life, but the vulnerable [00:22:00] aspect here we’re highlighting is with women. And it, it is a critical issue in our society and there needs to be more people addressing the issue. And a lot of nonprofits, when they start, they have great intention and somehow they grow and they get bloated, and then it’s all about administrative cost.

And so keeping it smaller and like a concierge service is exactly what we need. We need people that are like-minded and caring about the individual instead of how to make the payroll for the bloated nonprofit that they’ve built. So there, there are problems with all of that, but there are great nonprofits out there doing [00:23:00] the right thing. And really it’s about doing your homework and educating yourself about the mission statement and what they’re providing. And then you can actually go deeper into grabbing up financials and seeing where the money is being placed. So if, if you really wanna get serious about helping, you have to find the people that are doing the right things in the right ways so we can actually help. Because I, I feel that a lot of the systematic approach to these problems have created a perpetual system driven towards keeping the problem existing. The same with the medical industry and so many others that we loop into. Well, they’re the experts. Let ’em do it. Just [00:24:00] give them the money to do it. You have to be.

[00:24:05] Julie Barth: Yeah. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it kind of system. Yeah.

[00:24:09] Ed Watters: Exactly. You, you have to hold yourself accountable where you are putting your time, effort, and money. And is it really what you expect from your time, effort, and money? What do you think about all that?

[00:24:27] Julie Barth: I, I think, uh, you couldn’t be more spot on. Um, you know, and when I say to you that we’re an evolving charity, um, we are evolving because I refuse to really put, you know, put it to good use until I know exactly what we’re doing. I am not gonna waste resources. If somebody’s out there doing it, then why would I reinvent the wheel? It is just me literally, and I’m not even kidding about it. Um, I, you know, got, put the board members together, but I’m the driving force. And I keep kind of trying to mold [00:25:00] it and where can we really make a difference here? And people are, you know, Well, you have to start fundraising. And I keep telling them, I will not fundraise until I know where those funds are going. And right now I don’t need them. Because right now what I need is a plan, I need to make networks, I need to make connections.

And I am under the belief that the best, best way that I can help right now is through telling my story, being out there, and making people aware and being available. If somebody calls me, I might not be able to provide them with, you know, money per se, I might not. But personally, but I, I am that person that believes if, if you do enough research, you will find it. Unfortunately, when you hit crisis, you don’t have time to sit around and do the research. And it’s not easy to do. I mean, there are so many, it’s like a scholarship. You know, you have to have this parameter, you have to have that parameter. You either, you know, you can’t make too much money. You have to be poverty level and

do all these calculations. And, you know, all [00:26:00] you’re doing is like, Hey, I’m just trying to make it to the end of the day. I don’t have time for that. So you just move along and you, you know, put it on a credit card and then the next thing you know, you’re $150,000 in, in debt. And then where do you go? Okay, great. Guess what, I’m poor now. I have nothing. Oh, thanks for stepping in. So, you know, it is a cycle. and, you know, to go back to kind of what you were saying before in like systematic and how we think about things, you know, I think it’s so crazy that when star athletes, right, when they wanna join the NBI or they wanna, everyone says to them, Okay, but you have to have a backup plan.

You know, I know this is your dream. I know that you’re very good at what you do, and I know where this is, this, your heart is at, but you have to have a backup plan. We tell athletes that, but we don’t tell stay at mom, uh, stay at home moms that. We don’t prepare them. We don’t say, all right, I know that you’re in a great marriage right now and, you know, you’re earning a whole bunch of money. You know, young people don’t think about the end. You know, divorce, maybe you never [00:27:00] get to divorce. I never. Colin was the love of my life. I, I, I don’t believe we would’ve ever gotten divorced. But he fell ill when we were thirty-three years old with four kids. I was not, he was a bordered down on the board of, or trader down on the board of trade.

I was not expecting him to fall ill. We did not have savings. We were in our thirties, you know? Luckily, we had a great community around us that stepped up to help. But I was a very fortunate person. And if I did not have that community, if I had not grown up in that hometown, if I did not have family, you know, I don’t, I don’t know where we would’ve been. And I, you know, I, I made a video last night that I put out there, because again, uh, our charity is just evolving. I’m trying to figure out where I’m at. And I said that, you know, It’s kind of odd when people say, Why is it the CJB, you know, Outreach because it’s for women. You know, the Colin James Barth. And I believe that there’s no greater way to honor him than to take care of women because that’s what he wanted to do. He would’ve, he [00:28:00] was so sad that he couldn’t take care of his family, of his wife, put us in a situation of crisis, although he didn’t put us there. And to know that his name is, you know, the name that we’re using to try and find a way to protect families, protect women, to make it easier for them when he couldn’t. I, I would hope I, I, I know that he would be very honored by that.

[00:28:21] Ed Watters: Yeah, I, I’m definitely sure he is. And, you know, that, that takes a strong mentality and it takes strength to step up against this, whatever it is we’re living in. And it gets confusing at times. So being a single mother, it, it’s difficult. And what you’re doing is going to help a lot of, especially young women, they, they get [00:29:00] emotional when things go wrong a lot of the times and then they feel lost. And if, if you’re more emotionally stabilized during that hard time in your life by somebody that can just step up and say, Hey, I’m here for you. It, it doesn’t necessarily have to be money and that’s the big thing. Our, our time is that value, is that not correct?

[00:29:35] Julie Barth: Yeah. And I think as women, you know, we are pretty much taught to dig in your heels, get it done. You know, like no one’s going to get it done for you. We’re, we’re taught very early, here’s what you have to do, get it done. So when, when you’re emotionally, as you said, distraught, you’ve got children looking to you, you’ve got all these things going on, it’s very hard to roll back, make a list and check it off. You know, you’re just in [00:30:00] crisis mode. You’re just going, going, going. But if someone comes to you and says, All right, today, I need you to call the Social Security Office, I need you to fill out this form. I need you to, we’re gonna get you a financial planner. You need to take, if someone gives you the steps, you get it done. Because you’re like, Okay, now I know what, and it gives you a sense of control in the situation.

Like, okay, I can’t control that my husband has cancer. I can’t control that my daughter has special needs. But I can control, you know, when Tatum was in the hospital and I was, you know, just thirty, um, I, I couldn’t get her outta the hospital because she had a trach and I couldn’t get state aid. And my insurance company was telling me it’s not a medical necessity to have a nurse, but that hospital was telling me you can’t get her out until you have a nurse. So I ended up on the news and I was like, and I was going after the insurance company ’cause I was like, How can they say this is not medically necessary? Well, of course, you know they do. This whole, um, it was in Chicago. It was a big deal to me, [00:31:00] maybe not to anybody else. But we went after Blue Cross/Blue Shield and nothing happened.

You know, she came home, I got her home through the grace of God and, you know, a, a great little organization that I found in, in Chicago. But I did talk to someone several months later, someone set me up with her because her son had a trach. And I remember saying to her, Okay, I know that he is only like three weeks old right now. You have to get in, you have to go to this, you know, needs for special children. And she said, Oh no, we, we don’t have to worry about that. She’s like, some woman was on the news about, you know, six months ago going after the insurance company and they’ve changed the policy now where if a baby has a trach.

And I was like, That is the universe, you know, like. And ever since that moment I remember saying, Okay, maybe this, and if we could all think like this, maybe that is not going to benefit me like right now, me, you know, fostering other women who are going through crisis, that might not benefit me. I might not make a living out of doing it. I might not become CEO, like you said, of a huge corporation, [00:32:00] and run it and pay myself a good salary. But, you know, if I can make a difference in someone else’s world to make their load lighter and it doesn’t, you know, it will add to my life because I know that I’m purpose driven. I know that I’m making something positive outta something that was really hard to go through.

Then if we could all be a little bit more like that, then we wouldn’t have to go through all these hurdles all the time with, you know, whether that’s bureaucracy or systematic, whatever. You know, if some person just stands up and says, you know, This isn’t right, this is not the way it should be, and I’m going to do what I can to change it, I, I, I can’t imagine how quickly the world would change. Just one, one person every day saying, You know, this doesn’t work for me. I’m gonna find a better system. I’m gonna find a better way, and I’m gonna resist against it. And if you don’t like me, ’cause that’s gonna be a thing, you know, I’m gonna be a burning feminist, or I’m gonna, you know, be a man hater, whatever it is, I don’t care. Like I care more about what, what, really, I’m here, what my purpose here is on earth. And I believe that’s why [00:33:00] I’ve been through all this. And I’m listening to what my soul is telling me, and this is what it’s telling me. Just like it did when I got on the news to fight for Tatum’s trach and getting her out of the hospital.

[00:33:11] Ed Watters: I like that spirit a lot, Julie. You know, currently right now, we, we have been fighting this system. And I’ve been working with my local Congress representative. And just yesterday, I, I had an extreme long day, but the wins just went boom, boom, boom, boom. Because I had the strength to just say, No, this is not right. You’re not going to do this, and I’ll take it to the next level. And it took six months, well, actually nine months, but it’s [00:34:00] resolved. And if, if you let the system grind you, it’s gonna grind the next person, and the next person, and the next person. So, myself, they wanted to close my congressional folder, this case is closed. I told them, No, I’m not done yet. Keep that case open because I have a lot more to say and a lot more to do about this issue.

And now after that stacked up win, that was enough to fuel my next stage of development. Because after so many losses and you get just a single win, it’s ah, this great feeling. But when you get four and five stacked one right on top of the other, that makes you feel like King [00:35:00] Kong and you wanna go for the next round. And really that’s what these broken people that need help can feel like, and it’s because of people that care like you. So is there anything that you’d like to add to our conversation that we haven’t spoke about today?

[00:35:25] Julie Barth: Um, I don’t think so. I mean, I just think it’s, um, you know, I’ve never been a feminist and sometimes I hear myself talk and I’m like, Who is that? Because I always kind of felt like nobody’s gonna keep me down, you know? And I grew up, you know, I grew up in the seventies. I, generation X is the first generation of women who were taught that you can do it all, you can work and you can be at home. And it sounded like a great idea, I’m sure at the time. But you know, we were the first generation that it was like, what do you mean you don’t work out of the house? What do you mean you’re just focusing on your kids? And there was shame in [00:36:00] being home. So, you know, I think that it’s a societal, hopefully it’s, women should be able to do what women feel their necessity is and where they feel they can provide the most, whether that’s at home, whether that’s in a boardroom, there should be no shame on either side. And I just hope that the conversation starts to change, where, you know, being at home is not lazy.

Going to work is not neglectful. And women can just do what they’re supposed to do in the world and nobody judges them. ‘Cause I feel like we’re always so incredibly judged and it, we, we judge ourselves more harshly probably than anyone. And you know, that was my experiences. You know, everything I went through, you know, leaving my family, and I, I, I thought my friends didn’t like me anymore. I thought that they were judging me. I thought, but to be quite honest, no one was judging me half as hardly as, as I was judging myself. So that’s another part of my [00:37:00] mission is, like, women, yes, of course we can do it all. We are strong, we are independent, we are smart, but we shouldn’t have to do it all. And we shouldn’t have to feel like we have to do it all.

So yes, when you start talking about asking for help, it’s a very hard thing for a woman to do. And I know I’m making a generalization, but I’ve talked to enough women, especially in these situations where it is hard to ask for help, but it shouldn’t be. Because when people ask me for help and I’m able to help them, that not only makes them feel good, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel fulfilled. When you talk about these wins that, you know, you’ve had, when I, when someone reaches out to me and says, and people I know, you know, I didn’t know this was going on with you, it’s going on in my home too. Like, that feeds me. That, that heals me, It heals them. And then we can, you know, two are much stronger than one. Three are much, you know, and the more you can join with people to do the right thing, it’s so much easier than doing the [00:38:00] wrong thing. You know, a lot of people waste a lot of energy doing the wrong thing. It takes a lot less energy to just do the right thing. Yeah.

[00:38:09] Ed Watters: Well, it, it’s like a cornucopia basket, it takes a lot of different things to go inside that basket to make it look and feel right. And that’s what we are as a society, and we forgot about that. It’s okay to be you, and especially women. You know, I, I wanna just say it’s not a competition against men. And men if you are feeling that it’s a competition, you need to check yourself. We, we should be supportive of each other and be happy when those wins come for somebody else, because you’ll get those wins yourself. Just [00:39:00] play your part and do your thing. And most of all, I really feel that everyone has a purpose and a place. Don’t be ashamed to find out who and what you are. Because there’s some intelligent women that could change our world and we need them to be bold and brave about it. So I encourage that, I, I think it’s much needed. Because what women are being told they are, I can guarantee it’s not. And, and we really need to take, take a hold of that as a society. So,

[00:39:48] Julie Barth: Yeah. And, and you wanna say that I have two boys and they’re amazing and I’ve seen them go through some hardships as males that I would not wanna conquer either. So [00:40:00] I am, I would, it is not a comparison. And men have a whole host of other systematic issues that are hardships as well. So I’m not excluding anyone. I just know my experiences can be better used to help people that are in my shoes, and I’ve never been in a man’s shoes. But to be honest, I, I don’t want to be. Not in a bad way, but we all have our hardships. So I’m glad that you spoke to that because I’m definitely not alienating the hardships or challenges that men face either.

[00:40:32] Ed Watters: Right. Yeah. You know, and it’s, it’s good to know where our strengths and our weaknesses are, and that, that will prevent a lot of those divisions. So Julie, I could speak with you for hours about this. You’re doing wonderful things. How can people get in touch with you, work with you, and also do you have a call to action for our listeners?[00:41:00]

[00:41:00] Julie Barth: I do. So if you go to my website@juliebarthauthor.net, um, I have different tabs for our charity, which is the CJB Outreach. Um, you can also go to the cjboutreach.org. But again, if you go to juliebarthauthor.net, it has all of the different things that you can access. You can get involved, you can reach out to me and I’m the one manning it, again, I’m a one man team right now. So if you need help, again, I don’t know if I can provide you the exact resources myself, but I will find out who can. And that’s my job. Um, the other thing is that my daughter, the one that’s special needs, she sells her art online and the proceeds from her art go to fuel the CJB outreach. So if you see something you like, um, you know, you can put it on any t-shirt or, you know, whatever. Uh, so if you’d like to support us, there are many ways you can. And again, if you need help, do not hesitate. Please reach out to us.

[00:41:55] Ed Watters: It’s been a pleasure speaking with you, Julie. And I wanna say one more [00:42:00] time, thank you for what you’re doing.

[00:42:02] Julie Barth: Well, thank you. Thank you for having me.

[00:42:07] Ed Watters: Thank you for joining us today. If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another great episode of the Dead America Podcast. I’m Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.