Bob Wischer-Becoming Better Men Through Relationships

Bob Wischer
[00:00:00] Bob Wischer: When you’re taking in information, whether it’s verbal or written, slow down. Listen to the words, or hear the words, or read the words, and, um, listen for understanding of, of what the person’s saying or what the text is saying. And then, you know, take action from there. But.
[00:00:54] Ed Watters: Today, we are speaking with Bob Wischer. He is the relationship [00:01:00] engineer and he developed a coaching program, a group, called Men’s, Men Becoming Better Men Group. Bob, could you please introduce yourself and let people know a little more about you please?
[00:01:16] Bob Wischer: Yeah, sure. Um, I’m currently, uh, hanging out here in Michigan, currently rainy Michigan. Um, but I, uh, started Men Becoming Better Men about six years ago, uh, as an in-person group, um, which morphed into a, a coaching program and, and, and some other things. But what I do is I help men strengthen marriages, uh, help ’em build trust and relationships and align their ambition with their values so that they can win in business without sacrificing the things that matter most.
[00:01:49] Ed Watters: Yeah. It’s pretty awesome looking into what you do, Bob. It’s fascinating, you come from that hardship learning experience from a bad [00:02:00] marriage. I, I don’t know if it’s a bad marriage, but it’s a marriage that was dissolved. Okay. And, and you know, it, it really differs in marriages a lot. So I, I’m careful that I don’t stomp on people’s feet when I talk about my own experiences because they differ in many ways. So, I really wanna start here by, could you explain what a man is to us?
[00:02:34] Bob Wischer: What a man is. Oh, wow. Um, aside from the obvious, the physical natures of it?
[00:02:43] Ed Watters: Yes, biological aside.
[00:02:46] Bob Wischer: Yeah, the biological pieces. Uh, we had, I think we can, we, we could skip that part. Um, what a man is? Um, never really been asked that question that way. But, um, what I, what I [00:03:00] think of when I think of, you know, a man as, as someone who’s a leader, um, a protector, a provider, um, you know, the, the, the traditional sense of the word. Um, but not, not, I, I don’t wanna use the word, not, not a ruler, not a king. Um, I mean, a lot of men can, can feel like they’re, they’re king of world, but I, I, I, I, it’s not a ruling type of thing. I, I don’t buy into that. I think there’s, um, there’s, there’s reasons for and, and purpose behind, um, a lot of our, the, the leadership things and protection pieces that we need to do, obviously physically stronger in most cases. Um, uh, now the, traditionally in the, in the workplace, you know, picking up the slack and, and doing those things.[00:04:00]
Obviously we can’t bear children. We can’t, you know, do a lot of those things that women are, women are doing traditionally in, in marriages and relationships. So, um, yeah. But I, very traditional, um, sense of the word and, uh, just trying to lift men up to, to, to actually live into that because a lot of men nowadays are, you know, kind of, kind of beaten down by the whole, you know, men are worthless type of scenario. And what I, what I’ve, what I try to work with men on and teach men on is that we’re, we’re not, we need, we need to assume those leadership roles. And the more we let go of those leadership type roles, um, the more women that, and my understanding of it is women are, are, are taking on those roles because we’re not performing them.
And when women are performing those roles, they get, there again, we’re not, they’re not programmed, you know, biologically, DNA wise, [00:05:00] programmed to do those types of things. And they get, you know, they get frustrated, they get tired, they get, you know, out of, out of sorts with that. And then they start looking at the husband, I, you know, why are you worthless? I’m, you know, I’m gonna go find a guy that isn’t. So, uh, uh, a lot of, a lot of the, the guys that I work with are the type that, um, have the, have the, well, it’s, it’s usually, at this point, it’s, it’s the guys that have lost those relationships. Have been, not being the man that they’re, that they could be or should be, and that the wives are like, you know, I’m checking out. I’m, I’m gonna go have another relationship, I’m gonna leave you, I’m gonna whatever. Because they’re not, you’re not providing that safety, that, um, that strength, that safety, that protection that traditionally, um, comes with being a man.
[00:05:50] Ed Watters: Yeah, you know, the roles have been shifting in the years, you know, as, as we go on and, and I find, [00:06:00] myself, that we are seeing hardships develop out of these role changes. And it’s, it’s very important for people to recognize that and own up to it, be truthful with yourself. And, you know, I, I like that you started it off, it’s really not a kingship because just because you’re bigger doesn’t make you the ruler. And I, I really feel that, that sense of the word, we, we as men have been pushed in several directions in the last few years. However, we got a bad name because of that rulership,
that kingship, you know, I’m, I’m the boss, that’s it, that’s the way it is. And I look back in these traditional roles that you speak about and I see, [00:07:00] I’m sure you’ll recognize some of the old television shows, where you find the mother, father both doing the dishes together and they’re discussing life as they are doing those chores together. We’ve gotten away from that. And I, myself, have been bringing that back into my relationship and I understand when we eat together, we should clean up together and we shouldn’t assume that’s your job, that’s my job. No, no, that’s not how it works. I, I really think that we need to get back into that traditional role where we are a family and the family should be helping each other grow. What’s your thought on that, Bob?
[00:07:57] Bob Wischer: Yeah, absolutely. My wife, [00:08:00] my wife and I, we, we discuss what we’re, what we’re gonna do. It’s not, you use the word assume and that’s, that’s where it gets, gets, you know, off track is, you know, the, if the husband assumes that the wife’s always gonna do the dishes and then he, he stews around because, you know, days and days go by with the, the sink filling up. You know, there’s resentment. Um, a, a lot of times in my, I I, I have been divorced, you know, obviously divorced the first time, a lot, there was a lot of score keeping in my first marriage, you know, uh, you did this, I did that. Um, we, we have to keep things equal and that’s not really a, a solution either. Um, the way I look at my, I’m, I’m married again now,
my wife now has absolutely made it, we discuss, you know, are there certain things that I don’t like to do? There’s certain things she doesn’t like to do, we’ve, we’ve discussed those things. So we have that, that agreement and we know that, okay, I’m gonna take care of these things, you’re gonna take care of these things. And it, it makes it a lot more harmonious. That when, when things aren’t getting done, it’s like, you know, I, we, we have a [00:09:00] discussion about it. It’s not, you know, I, I’m expecting that you’re gonna do this and that I’m gonna sit here and resent you and stew over it for, for weeks at a time.
[00:09:08] Ed Watters: Yeah. Conflict always will arise out of bad communication skills, that’s what I’ve learned over the years. Uh, myself, I am on my fortieth year, almost got it nailed for being married. We’ve been together forty-two, almost forty-three years, and it’s been very hard. But yes, it is awesome because we figured out how to get through that communication disharmony. And I, I found that it was my own fears keeping me from communicating effectively with my wife. If I say something, she’ll leave me. If I say something, she might not like me. I, is that how you felt? [00:10:00]
[00:10:00] Bob Wischer: Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. I, I spent almost twenty years with my first marriage trying, trying to make my wife happy or help her be happy and learned very much the hard way that it was not possible. And I, and I fought it for years and years and years before I finally decided I had to throw in the towel. I couldn’t, couldn’t do it anymore. And it is, it’s, happiness is an internal job. I, I obviously wasn’t happy myself. She wasn’t happy. So how is an unhappy person gonna make someone who’s unhappy, happy? That’s like, so I had to make myself happy first. And, you know, obviously she’s probably off doing her own thing,
hopefully she’s happy now. I haven’t talked to her in probably ten years. But, um, you know, I, I know my wife now is happy ’cause, because she does what she needs to do to make herself be happy. And then we bring our, both of our happiness, our healthy relationships [00:11:00] together, and communication, and other things, and it’s very harmonious. We, we very, we fight, we fight very little. We, we’ll, we’ll get into it sometimes, but again, that usually, it just, it dissipates very quickly because we both realize, and we even had this discussion yesterday about, um, things that we, we say to each other that, you know, were coming from a good place, we just, some of our old wounding from our, ’cause she’s divorced too,
she had a, a, a difficult first marriage, I had a difficult first marriage so a lot of our tendencies are to react in a way that was from a, a past, past situation. And then we have to stop and realize, Well, wait a minute, this is, this is a new thing. We have, you know, we’ve agreed on these things, we’re not gonna, you know, do this and, and it dissipates it very quickly and we get back on the same page. And, you know, usually five or ten minutes later we’re cracking jokes and laughing again and having a good time. So.
[00:11:54] Ed Watters: Well, well that’s a sign of a healthy relationship. We’re always going to have conflict [00:12:00] and, and you really have to be aware that you have to take ownership of that emotional intelligence factor. And it took me years, I was fifty-five plus before I really got that. You know, and then, then it started sinking in and now I’m about sixty and I’m saying, This works. And that’s why I’m here doing what I’m doing. And I, I take that’s the same value that you’re finding with your journey on podcasting?
[00:12:40] Bob Wischer: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Try and just, just taking that wisdom, like you said, and trying to help the younger generations to, I, I, one of my biggest things is I, I wanna help men to not struggle with the things that I struggled with. Because there was some, I had some very dark days during my, my late thirties and early forties. [00:13:00] Um, that, yeah, I, and I didn’t, I really didn’t wake up until my mid forties when, when I had gone through the divorce and I was like, Wait a minute, uh, here I am by myself. I, and my kids, my kids were, had pretty much either were, were close to or had graduated from high school. They were moving on to college, doing their thing, you know, no, no wife to worry about.
I was like, Wait a minute, what, what’s next for me? What am I gonna do with my life? And I started thinking about, you know, all the things that I was good at and all the things that, and, and it just, it, it came very easily to me to, to, to jump into coaching. And find that as a, as a means to go back and give back to, to help guys that are, you know, you know, getting married as, in their mid twenties, not knowing what’s going on, you know, raising kids, not knowing how to do that. And all that, all those things that I learned the hard way back, ’cause, um, [00:14:00] you know, it’s not like I was talking to my dad a lot about, Hey, how, how do you, how do you raise a son and how do you raise a daughter? Um, so, so yeah. It’s, it’s a, it’s a resource that, uh, is, is very available ’cause there’s, there’s lots and lots of coaches out there, we all do different things.
You know, we, we work with different people on different stuff. And, and to have someone in your corner that’s, uh, super valuable to, with their, with their experience so you don’t have to make the same mistakes. I’m sure you’ll find some, some more to make, but, but being able to, to avoid some of those, those, those ones that, and, and, and I, the, the one that I think is probably the most important is, is, is raising kids. I mean, I think I got really lucky. Um, that was one area where my ex-wife and I really did excel was, was raising our kids. They’re both, um, right now pursuing medical degrees and I, I look to be, they’re gonna be very successful, um, adults. But, you [00:15:00] know, a lot, a lot of people put wounds and, on their kids from growing up on, on how they’re being, and how they’re acting, and how they’re, how they’re relating, and all that. That, that really could be avoided, um, if we had, had a little more education in, in that perspective.
So that’s one of the real, the real key things that I like to look at. And, and, and then even in, in older guys like us, being able to go back and figure out maybe where those, those wounds happened in your life so that we can kind of reframe those and, and reprogram those a little bit to where it’s not dragging you back into, you know, that, that hurt people, hurt people, kind of thing. Just get rid of some of that old hurt and be able to move forward and have, have more harmonious relationships.
[00:15:46] Ed Watters: Yeah. So, Bob, do you speak to your children about this and ask them how they feel about the situation you went through together?
[00:15:57] Bob Wischer: We’ve talked about it some. Uh, [00:16:00] they’ve been, they’ve been kind of out on their own for, for the, uh, the past several years now. So they’re, they’re kind of, I’m, I’m kind of just giving ’em some space to learn and live their lives. My, my, my youngest is already married, so he’s, he’s, uh, wading through that and, and feeling that out, and in the middle of, uh, still actually in his, in his, his degree, taking his degree work. So, um, yeah. It’s, I, I think it’s probably gonna come around a little more as after they get through this, this, this decade of their twenties where they’re still kind of in school learning and, and doing the things. And once they, they get into, start having kids and things like that, I think we’re probably gonna have some more of those discussions.
[00:16:41] Ed Watters: Yeah, I think it’s a good idea to keep the door open for that to, so they can retain that healthy relationship and learn from having that door open. Hey, what was this? Why did I go through it? Uh, a lot of us get lost [00:17:00] and confused. You, you talk about, uh, past trauma, even pre-birth trauma, and that is extremely important for people to realize that, in that womb, you’re developing, but you can still sense emotion and sound and what’s going on in the atmosphere around you. And you’re born into that.
[00:17:26] Bob Wischer: Yeah. You have, you have cognition, at, pre-birth, you have cognition. You, you can feel things and understand things. You can’t verbalize ’em, obviously, but you can feel ’em. And that’s, that’s actually one of my traumas is, um, my parent, I, I was conceived before my parents were married. And I, I have a sense that there was a lot of, a lot of, I don’t know if anger is the right word, but animosity. Some, you know, stress, uh, you know, all the things that would go with, oh my God, we’re, we’re having a baby and we’re, you know, we weren’t planning to get married. Now we need to get married and, you know, we live in this [00:18:00] small community, whether it be judgment, all that stuff. So I think I, I did absorb a lot of that and I made, made meanings of that internally in myself and have beliefs and identity wrapped around it that, that really did mess me up a lot in, in my, my teenage years, my college years, and a, a lot into my first marriage.
[00:18:23] Ed Watters: Yeah, I think that’s good to recognize. And actually, people don’t dive deep enough into their past traumas, and they don’t associate that with trauma a lot of the times. So recognizing that is huge. I, it took me quite a while to figure that out, but it is very, very true that we feel these things. Even still today, when you walk into a room, you can feel the atmosphere and it’s the same sense. So [00:19:00] how do we navigate conflict so we don’t blow up during conflict? I’m sure you’ve been through many conflicts that blew out of proportion, as I have, and I’ve found there’s ways to calm the storm before it blows over. What’s your thought on that?
[00:19:30] Bob Wischer: Yeah, absolutely. Actually, uh, it’s, it’s something I’ve been working on the last, last, um, probably ten, ten or so years. Cause I, I, I would get pretty angry with my ex-wife, uh, quite often and never, never really understood what triggered it. And like I said, until I understood, uh, some of my past traumas, some of the things that had happened to me in the past and understood that those were probably what’s driving, um, you know, whether it was [00:20:00] anger, or shame, or something along those lines that was, that was making me react to things that my, that not even my ex-wife, just anybody would say around me that would trigger some of those, those feelings.
Um, it’s really, really been a, a, a challenge to, to, A, first learn about ’em and then figure out what to do with ’em. And a lot of that, for me, has been through meditation, um, breath work, which I, I’ve been doing now for a little bit. Um, really just finding that inner peace with myself and understanding that, you know, those, all those things that happened to me in past, in the past don’t define me. And, you know, where, where it’s, where the most important part is for me to be present every, every single moment of every single day. And, and just read what’s, read the room, kind, kind of to, to, to, to be a little cliche about it. Um, just to understand that, you know, nobody, [00:21:00] my, even if my wife now is, even if she says something critical of me or something I said, or something I did, it’s not out of spite. It’s out of either curiosity, or love, or something else. So I’m, I’ve gotten a lot better at waiting to be, remembering that fact before I just, you know, knee jerk react.
[00:21:22] Ed Watters: Pause. Yeah, that, that’s a good thing. You know, it, it is one of those difficult things that, especially men, deal with is the shame and guilt associated with how they reacted to so many situations in the past, I, I still deal with it today. With, you know, there was times when that anger was so bad that I would be walking in front of my wife just totally ticked off and she’s like, Hey, hey, hey. But here I am in the [00:22:00] middle of a store, you know, storming about and kind of blowing up. And I reflect on that a lot because how we react to emotions is very important. And young men, especially, need to know, you’re going to feel those hostilities, you’re gonna feel the pain and the hate of not knowing and understanding what you’re going through at that present time. And it’s definitely not your partner. And I think if we learn earlier on to lean in and adjust with the partner to those situations, that’s when we can actually excel. The quicker we own up to our own mistakes and say, Okay, I made a mistake, the [00:23:00] better and quicker we can move on with a better life for both involved in that relationship.
[00:23:08] Bob Wischer: Yeah. And then learning, learning from those instances too.
[00:23:12] Ed Watters: Yes. Big, big. So a lot of that comes with communication skills and how to talk to one another. Not only to your wife, but to individuals out there. A, a lot of the times it’s hard to express what you’re truly feeling because we don’t wanna offend people and we don’t wanna be offended. So understanding how to communicate is vital. How do we communicate better?
[00:23:51] Bob Wischer: Oh, uh, listen, that’s the, that’s the biggest thing, listening. It, it’s, my wife and I were talking about it [00:24:00] this morning. It was an out, it was an out outdoor event and we’re here in Michigan. And, and in, in April and May, the weather can be a little sketch, right? It could, it could either be a beautiful and sunny five and, sunny and seventy-five, or it can be like it is today, rainy and fifty. Um, and yesterday we had, we had scheduled this outdoor event, we had planned it for months. And there was, there were men showing up in shorts, there was a, um, a man showed up in, in like a button down shirt and jeans and he was, he was the one that was winding up being the coldest. And I, I was like, Okay, guys, you know, communication, right?
It’s an outdoor event. Did you not read the, you know, the thing? It’s, it’s an outdoor event, you might wanna check the weather forecast before you come on out. So that’s, that’s, that’s part of, you know, communicate, listening. It’s, it’s not listening, but it’s, it’s reading and being thorough in taking, when you’re taking in information, whether it’s verbal or written. [00:25:00] Slow down, listen to the words, or hear the words, or read the words, and, and listen for understanding of, of what the person’s saying or what the text is saying, and then, you know, take action from there. But a lot of, a lot of people don’t do that, they just, they’re, they’re, everybody’s in such a hurry all the time moving so fast. Oh yeah. It’s at, it’s at eight o’clock, okay. I’ll be, uh, it’s eight o’clock at this place, I’ll be there. You know, not, not thinking, oh, it’s an outside event, oh, it’s fifty degrees outside, I might wanna be prepared.
[00:25:33] Ed Watters: That, that is so huge in everybody’s life, Bob. And it’s, it’s remarkable, we tend to use that as an excuse. And I, I, I’ve used it. Yes, I’m so busy. And yes, but it’s really how we intake that information and prioritize it. So it’s really part of good [00:26:00] communication, if you’re not clear, to follow up and really make sure that you’ve got the information proper. And, and that, that shows that you care about that relationship, correct?
[00:26:15] Bob Wischer: Yeah, absolutely. And it also helps too, uh, uh, on my part, my ownership part of it, is to be thorough when I’m, when I’m communicating. Whether it’s verbally or in writing, to be thorough. And, and I may, I may not have been clear enough yesterday that, you know, I could have put outdoor event, um, instead of just, you know, the location, the way I described the location, it was an outdoor pavilion so it was, or a pavilion so it was kind of assumed that it was outdoor. But if I had of put outdoor pavilion, maybe people would’ve clicked a little bit. So I have responsibility in that as well to make sure I’m communicating clearly and effectively so, so, makes it easier for people who are busy and what, and preoccupied [00:27:00] like we all are now, um, to, to get all the information they need.
[00:27:04] Ed Watters: And that magic word popped up again, assume. You know, if we capture that we can actually get clarity. So we, we really have to be careful of what we’re doing on both ends of communication, that’s for sure. Uh, you talk about common interest with your partner, I find this to be very important. Uh, and sometimes we find later on in life, Hey, we don’t have anything in common. And if, if we can get that through to the younger generation, I, I find it very vital. Don’t just fall for the first one that loves you. Make sure that you have those interests [00:28:00] and you, you’re compatible.
[00:28:03] Bob Wischer: Yeah, yeah. Oh absolutely, Ed. Um, that was my mistake on, on round one. I mean, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My kids are amazing, they’re, they, they’re gonna do amazing things in their lives. So it was all meant to be and it was all worthwhile. But yeah, the, the, there were so many red flags, um, at, before my first, before my first marriage that, that I didn’t see, because again, I was exactly what you just described. First person that paid any, any attention to me or, or felt like they liked to be around me, or, um, were interested in me in, in any way. And, and as the years went by, we had less and less in common. Um, aside, aside from our kids, we really didn’t have much in common. The things I wanted to do, um, I, I would, I would, I always loved playing, you know, the beer league softball, beer league hockey, and she would always question, Why are you going to do that?
[00:29:00] I don’t understand. Why do you, and then why do you have to go to the bar after and have a beer with the guys? Well, ’cause I need men in my, you know, I, I needed men in my life that needed that, that fellowship and that companionship of, of masculinity. Because all I was getting was, was the femininity at home and the, and the, so that was a huge piece of my life. And actually once I finally, unfortunately, that made the decision to give that up. That’s when the marriage, you know, it was, it was going along probably like this and then it just, right, right down the drain. Because I gave those things up and I was missing that, that piece, and I couldn’t, it was too hard to cope at that point.
[00:29:45] Ed Watters: So what was that moment that it went rock bottom for you, Bob?
[00:29:51] Bob Wischer: When I, when I, when I decided to make her happy and give up the things that I loved doing, which were playing softball and hockey.
[00:29:58] Ed Watters: Interesting. [00:30:00] So we, we have to make sure to love ourself, and that means to be able to do those experiences that we want to experience. And, you know, I often say, Hey, would you like to experience this with me? You know, sharing experiences. If, if you can’t share experience, it’s really not worth the time, is it?
[00:30:31] Bob Wischer: Oh absolutely, that’s what my wife and I do now. We just, we just got back from an experience last week. We, we, we rented an RV for the first time, drove it thirteen and a half hours from, from Michigan down to Arkansas and, and went glamping. So, and it was an, every, every moment of the whole trip was an experience to remember. It was, it was, start from, you know, being on the road and, and, uh, you know, learning that you can actually park an [00:31:00] RV overnight in a Cracker Barrel parking lot, which we didn’t know until we actually got on the road, which was awesome. Um, now just all kinds of things that we, we learned along the way. Um, and we have, we have a great time together when we, when we do stuff like that. And it’s just, every moment is an adventure. And if you’re, if you’re able to find someone and be with someone who is, is as open to that type of adventure as you are, that’s, that’s the golden ticket right there.
[00:31:27] Ed Watters: There’s a huge difference when you accepted that you needed to be with somebody that was in alignment with you.
[00:31:37] Bob Wischer: Yeah, for sure.
[00:31:39] Ed Watters: Awesome. Yeah, I, I think that’s big. So, so we should take time before we jump in and make sure we qualify. I like that a lot.
[00:31:52] Bob Wischer: Absolutely. And I, and I, I had this conversation with someone, uh, in the last couple weeks, you know, someone that was in the, in the dating [00:32:00] pool and, and looking for, and, and I said, you know, it’s, yeah, it’s hard, dating, uh, is hard. Um, you know, I’ve, I’ve heard tons of stories even in the last, you know, I’ve, I’ve been with my wife now for ten years, so it’s been a minute. But even the last five or so years where I, I just hear guys complaining about how, how difficult it is, I just, I, my advice to ’em is just keep, keep going, kept, if you gotta go on a thousand dates to find the one, you know, it, it’s not, you know, you’re not gonna get lucky the, for the first or second time.
You gotta, you gotta try, you gotta try people on literally and, and, um, and, and find the one that, you know, checks all the boxes. And, and to settle for something or someone that doesn’t check all the boxes is, it’s just gonna come back to bite you down the road. And there’s, you know, how, how many millions of, I don’t, I don’t remember the numbers off the top of my head, but how many million people are there, millions of people that are there in this country, just in the US [00:33:00] alone? Um, there’s, there’s someone for everyone. You just gotta find her or him or whomever it is to, uh, that, that, that person that, that checks all the boxes and makes it, you know? Uh, probably the biggest, the biggest one for me was someone that is going to, um, support me and celebrate me in, in the things that I wanna do.
Unlike my ex who would give me a hard time if I wanted to, to go play ball or play, you know, do something, go even, even golf or whatever, you know, to support that. Um, my wife now, I, I’ve had the men’s group now for five years, and every, every other Saturday morning I was getting up to go and spend two, three hours and she supported every minute of it. Whereas my, my ex-wife, she’d been, why are you doing this? I don’t understand. You should be spending time with me and the kids, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it’s just, it’s, that’s finding that kind of person that, that fits into what, you know, if that’s, if that’s your jam, then, then great. If that’s the kind of woman that you,
you know, you should [00:34:00] be with. But, um, if you, if you need that freedom and you need that, have that connection and relationships with other people, you gotta find that person that, that jives with that and, and supports it and, and celebrates it with you. That, hey, you’ve got a growing men’s group, or whatever the case may be, to, to, to keep it, things going and keep it. So, and, and then you gain a lot of, you get a lot of respect for that. I mean, men, that’s one of our things, right? Men want respect, Women want love. So if you’re giving her the, uh, uh, uh, appropriate amounts of love and, and, do, letting you, you know, have those experiences outside of the relationship, she’s gonna give you that respect for, for being consistent and having the boundaries to go and do it.
[00:34:42] Ed Watters: Yeah. So I wanna kind of segue into your coaching and what you offer. Uh, do you bring ladies into your coaching and have the guys [00:35:00] experience different frames of mind from, what I mean by that is, sometimes we look at our wife and we don’t like to hear what she says. But sometimes if we hear it from other women, we might pay attention a little more. Is any of that sort of in your coaching?
[00:35:26] Bob Wischer: No. I, what I tend to do is I take, take men back to the fundamentals. Um, I, I, I actually, I, I use the acronym Empower. It’s environment, mindset, purpose, opportunities, wellbeing and resources. So having the right environment, having things set up for, for you to, to thrive and, and enjoy life, whatever that may be. Um, mindset goes without saying. You’ve got, you’ve gotta have a positive growth mindset. You can’t, if you have a fixed mindset, you, uh, that, that’s my old life. I, I [00:36:00] got a, when I graduated from college, I thought I knew everything. I stopped learning. I didn’t pick up a, uh, uh, an educational book for about twenty years after I graduated from college. And I missed out, I missed out. All the, all the books I’ve read in the last ten or fifteen years, I’m like, if I’d have known this when I was in my thirties, I, you know, I could be on top of the world right now. Um, obviously purpose, a lot of men, uh, especially like I mentioned earlier, we get to that point in our,
whether it’s in our marriages or with our kids, especially, you know, they get off, go off to college and all of a sudden where, when you sat, stood there and said, My purpose is to raise my family for the last fifteen to eighteen years. And all of a sudden you get to that point where all the kids are gone, they’re doing their thing, they don’t need dad so much anymore. What’s my purpose? And you’re standing there with nothing to do other than maybe go play a round of golf with your buddies. So, so having a, a deeper purpose that carries you into your forties, fifties, sixties, seventies [00:37:00] is, is super important. Having opportunities to, to, um, whether it’s, again, um, have that, have something purposeful to do, whether it’s financial stability, you know, building your retirement portfolio, things like that we work on.
Um, obviously your wellbeing, your mental, physical, spiritual health, super important, and having fundamentals around those. A lot of guys, you know, don’t, don’t, don’t emphasize that that physical health, that mental health, that spiritual health, they just keep going and going and doing on the hamster wheel and they’re burning themselves out.
And, and to be able to have those, those fundamentals in place and habit, good habits in place is super important. And then resources, you know, obviously having, having enough money to do the things that you wanna do, that’s, that’s a big one. Um, my wife and I right now love to travel, so having the resources to do that so we can travel and have those experiences like I mentioned, super important. So those are all the things that, that I like to work on with men and make sure that they’re, they’re, they’re hitting all, [00:38:00] hitting all those, checking all those boxes. And then, again, having the foundation, the fundamentals, and then using those to build up on.
[00:38:09] Ed Watters: Yeah. So building up self-esteem is big. And you, you went through this with your weight loss journey. How do, how do you feel compared to your old self, to your new self, Bob?
[00:38:29] Bob Wischer: Oh, it’s not even the same guy. Not even. Not even the same guy that, I mean, that guy used to walk up, you know, walk up a flight of stairs and get winded. Um, he, you know, he used to get angry at the drop of a hat. Um, take offense and, and, and judge, judge people walking down the street for, for looking different, or being different, or whatever. And he, that, that guy doesn’t exist anymore. He’s, he’s, I, I mean, he, he pokes his head up every once in a while and I try to shove him back in the [00:39:00] can, but, um, but for the, for the most part, he, that, that, that guy no longer exists. And, and I, I do my best to love and serve everybody, uh, that I come across and, uh, you know, try to, try to, try to leave this place better than the way I found it.
[00:39:17] Ed Watters: Amen. I like that a lot. You know, shoving him back in the can, I think that’s very important. Uh, we, we all have these trigger points and if we can recognize those, we can actually shove him back in the can a lot easier. So I like that, that visualization, you know, just get back in the can. That’s great.
[00:39:45] Bob Wischer: Let’s, let’s, let’s get back in there and, and we’ll, we’ll keep on moving.
[00:39:49] Ed Watters: Bob, is there anything else you think we should speak about today before we wrap things up?
[00:39:58] Bob Wischer: Um, I [00:40:00] think I, I think I covered all, all the high points of things that I wanted to, I wanted to get on, on record with you. So, um, other than that, just, you know, if, if men are interested in talking about what it looks like to, uh, to work together. if they, if again, if they wanna strengthen their marriage, build trusting relationships, or, um, align their ambition with their values so they can thrive in their businesses, uh, I’d love to talk to you. I do, I offer a free consultation. Um, go to my website, men, menbecomingbettermen, here on the wall behind me, um, menbecomingbettermen.com. Um, inquire on there.
And, uh, I’d, I’d love to have a talk with you. We can see, see where you, what you’re up against and, and what it, where it is you wanna go. I mean, that’s really the, probably the most important thing, um, is, uh, having an understanding of where you wanna go. If you don’t like where you’re at, um, you wanna, obviously wanna go somewhere else. We can, we can help put that roadmap together and, and get you from where you were to where you wanna be.
[00:40:55] Ed Watters: So is there any social sites that people can look you up [00:41:00] on and see if they wanna connect with you?
[00:41:04] Bob Wischer: Yeah, sure. Uh, my Instagram is the relationship engineer. Uh, also same on TikTok, the relationship engineer. Those are probably the two easiest to where you can see some of my content, kind of get a, get a feel for, for some of the things I talk about, things I work with people on. And, uh, and obviously message me through either of those as well.
[00:41:23] Ed Watters: It, it, it’s always good to speak with people out there doing good things, Bob. And you’re doing remarkable things. Divorce rate is through the roof and if, if we can educate people how to overcome those things before that divorce, it’s, it’s always a good thing. And I appreciate you sharing with us today and I wish you the best.
[00:41:53] Bob Wischer: Thank you, sir, I appreciate that. Thank you very much.
[00:41:59] Ed Watters: Thank you [00:42:00] for joining us today. If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another great episode of the Dead America Podcast. I’m Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you might be.