Emotional Intelligence, Healing & Boundaries: An In-Depth Conversation with Douglas Robbins

# Speaking Up: A Candid Conversation About Self-Healing, Emotional Intelligence and Asserting Boundaries

In a recent podcast episode of Dead America, Ed Watters and Douglas Robbins engaged in a candid and enlightening conversation about the often overlooked facets of self-improvement: healing oneself, strengthening emotional intelligence, and asserting personal boundaries. They delved deep, exploring how these crucial elements play out in our day-to-day lives and the larger societal context.

## The Power of Self-healing and Helping Others

Douglas Robbins, an author and podcaster known for his incisive social commentary, started the conversation with a reflection on how people often deflect their personal problems by focusing on helping others. While aiding others can be fulfilling, it can also become a mechanism for avoiding self-care and introspection.

According to Robbins, constantly prioritizing others’ needs over your own can lead to you feeling depleted and neglected. Moreover, the relentless pursuit of assisting others doesn’t necessarily aid personal growth or healing. Robbins stressed the importance of equalizing self-help and helping others, underscoring that one’s well-being ultimately trickles down to their ability to provide support to those around them.

## Establishing Emotional Boundaries

Expanding on this, Robbins touched on another vital aspect: setting up emotional boundaries. More than a physical concept, boundaries extend to our emotional plane, which acts as an unseen force field. These emotional boundaries have the capacity to protect us, but if we fail to establish and maintain them, they can also lead us to emotional outbursts and unconscious responses.

Robbins enunciated how emotional boundaries help prevent our wounds from being instantly triggered by external comments or actions. They essentially act as emotional buffers, shielding our vulnerabilities and giving us control over how we react and interact with our environment.

## Education for Compassion and Understanding

In the same vein, Ed Watters, host of the talk, interjected with an interesting perspective about educating oneself. Watters emphasized that learning should focus on IQ or intelligence quotient and prioritize EQ or emotional quotient. Emphasizing the importance of ’emotional intelligence,’ he maintained that it significantly dictates our actions and interactions.

This transformative shift towards emphasizing emotional intelligence in education could be crucial to nurturing empathy, compassion, and understanding in society. Education in the traditional and broader spectrum should navigate the path for us to “dive in and learn,” as Watters suggested.

## A Session of Truths

As the conversation grew deeper, both Robbins and Watters delved into the profound meaning of truth and its role in freeing us from societal and self-inflicted shackles. They acknowledged that while their views and experiences might differ, the commitment to truth and authenticity should remain unshaken. The open and sincere interaction highlighted the importance of communication and discussion in fostering understanding and growth.

## Concluding Notes

The dialogue concluded on a note of accountability – a call to action for all to be accountable for their journey towards healing, establishing emotional boundaries, and developing emotional intelligence. Going back to the core essence of the talk – to be genuinely free, we ought to be willing to confront and decode our emotional states and carefully weave our boundaries while continuously evolving through unending learning.

In essence, Ed Watters and Douglas Robbins’ rich exchange of views underscored a timeless reminder for us all: that while we easily get absorbed in the fast-paced world around us, it is crucial why we never lose sight of the vital task of acknowledging our emotional needs, setting boundaries, and consistently expanding our understanding.

Audio Episode

The Role of Emotional Intelligence and Personal Boundaries in Self-improvement and the Implications of Misinformation in Society


A conversation between the host and author, Douglas Robbins, delves into the importance of helping oneself, setting emotional boundaries, emotional intelligence, and using conversation for self-exploration. Robbins emphasizes how individuals often neglect their personal wellbeing in favor of helping others, recommending that setting boundaries protect the emotional self. The host contends that misinformation threatens unity and progress and discusses the current political divide and societal deterioration that comes with it. Robbins introduces his new book and its stories revolving around the struggles of everyday people, reassessing self-perception, daring to make drastic changes and veering off the right path. Robbins' stories depict the resulting consequences of emotional misalignment and lack of adequate support.


00:00 Introduction

00:00 The Importance of Helping Others and Self-Care

01:03 Understanding Emotional Boundaries

02:26 The Power of Education and Conversation

03:17 Guest Introduction: Douglas Robbins

03:42 Douglas Robbins' Writing and Podcasting Journey

04:49 The Power of Truth and Self-Reflection

06:06 Exploring Douglas Robbins' New Book

11:42 The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Education

14:49 The Struggle of Commitment and Emotional Healing

21:21 The Power of Setting Boundaries

28:34 The Need for Emotional Intelligence in Today's World

31:10 Understanding Self-Worth and Personal Growth

32:37 The Impact of Social Media and Algorithms on Society

33:43 The Role of Freedom of Speech and Misinformation

36:05 The Importance of Emotional Intelligence and Healing

36:34 The Need for Regulation in News and Media

37:36 The Influence of Internet and Social Media on Communication

39:27 The State of Politics and the Need for Balance

44:44 The Decay of Values and Loss of Innocence in Society

51:55 The Role of Truth and Unity in Progress

57:24 The Importance of Accountability and Love

Douglas Robbins

[00:00:00] Douglas Robbins: I'd love to pick up on, on a couple of those points because you make it so imperative, some of these ideas. Uh, and the first is helping others, right? We often, people often, I think, feel so eradicated that they can't help themselves. It's too ugly, too dark, too mysterious, too crazy in there. But they help others

[00:00:23] and I've seen this. Often I think with women, perhaps this happens, um, that they kind of neglect themselves to help whomever else because they're loving, and they're kind, and, but you can also deplete yourself, right? When you're always just helping others and not helping yourself. And it's easier to help others because when you look at yourself and go, Oh my God, I have all these issues, shut it down,

[00:00:50] going to help someone else instead. But that obviously doesn't help you and maybe that other person doesn't, you know, isn't as receptive. But nevertheless, we have to get back to ourselves and healing ourselves. And this is, you just hit, hit the nail on the head, is our boundaries. And, you know, you hear the term boundaries and people don't really know what they mean, right?

[00:01:15] You think of physical boundaries. Oh, this guy, he's five feet for me. Okay, now he's three feet already. He's too close, he's in my personal space. But emotional boundaries, once again, are the things that govern us. So if we're not honoring ourselves, you're not honoring a boundary. And if you're holding on to the pain, the doubts, the, the, the, the, the, the lack of self image or lack of self care,

[00:01:40] anybody who says things that hit that trigger point, because you haven't healed it yet so you don't have a boundary around you, people can come in and say even something small and that hits your wound because you haven't healed, because there's no boundary, you go kaboom. And this is where we say and do things we regret because now we're not acting consciously. It's more of an unconscious response and autopilot sort of emotional trigger. We are not in control, we are in fight or flight.

[00:02:26] Ed Watters: To overcome, you must educate. Educate not only yourself, but educate anyone seeking to learn. We are all Dead America, we can all learn something. To learn, we must challenge what we already understand. The way we do that is through conversation. Sometimes we have conversations with others, however, some of the best conversations happen with ourself. Reach out and challenge yourself; let's dive in and learn something right now.

[00:03:17] Today we're with Douglas Robbins, he is an author and he is also a podcaster. So make sure to catch his great podcast episodes, they're always great and wonderful to listen to. Douglas, could you please introduce yourself and let people know just a little more about you, please?

[00:03:38] Douglas Robbins: Uh, hi everyone. Uh, thanks for having me on the show. Yeah, I'm Douglas Robbins. I have about half a dozen books out. Usually social commentary, spirituality, things that the human condition basically, uh, hits up against. Um, so I'm always about progress and the evolution of the individual and moving forward and ultimately healing. Um, so that's often what I write about and mask it in ways that that's what I'm writing about it.

[00:04:09] Uh, but those are often some of the themes within my stories. And I do have a podcast called, The Den of Discussion, which again, touches base on law, education, IQ versus EQ, or EQ versus IQ, um, healing, spirituality. Um, so just, you know, basically runs the gamut, but typically anything that is regarding the human condition, uh, where we're at right now. Misinformation And Freedom of Speech is a blog I just wrote, um, and it's just about like getting to the truth of things instead of getting trapped up and confused by where we're misled.

[00:04:49] Ed Watters: Emotions. We are led by emotions in our world today, and a lot of people fear the truth because truth hurts, you know, but truth sets us free. And that's where true power lies. So,

[00:05:06] Douglas Robbins: well, truth is not always in line with the narrative we tell ourselves, right? Truth is not

[00:05:12] Ed Watters: That is correct.

[00:05:12] Douglas Robbins: that narrative that, where we're comfortable, where we're safe. We keep believing whatever the hell we're believing. But often the truth runs, um, uh incongruent with that.

[00:05:25] Ed Watters: That's that's so true. And you know, that's why I enjoy your discussions is because there's a lot of thought in the discussion. And today we're lacking that so it's always good to have intellectual conversations that enlighten us because that's how we grow. And we've been stagnant for quite some time. And I'm, I'm eager to see the growth start again. And I see that starting to ignite. So what you're doing out there is needed for sure. Tell us about the new book and why did you write this book?

[00:06:12] Douglas Robbins: This book, there are three stories in the book. The first one is Someone Anonymous, Charlie Hero, and then, as you mentioned, Baseball Dreams and Bikers. The story, Someone Anonymous, I've probably been writing for ten years or so. And it's ultimately about people feeling that they're someone on one hand, but they're anonymous on another hand. And so it's a dichotomy that duality that people struggle with, right? That they feel like they should be more, that they're stuck in wherever they're stuck in. But they know that there's something else to them, something broader, bigger, more powerful, more, more inspired, more courageous.

[00:06:51] People, we often get stuck and scared as we get older and older. Safe. And so Someone Anonymous is essentially, it's very similar to an alcoholics anonymous in that, uh, it's, it takes place in a classroom. There are six students and there's an instructor. And it's about these people where they feel stuck in their lives or maybe on autopilot, uh, and not living

[00:07:15] the life that they feel like is being called to them. And so you often kind of go down these roads and you get trapped in them. But that part, that dream part, that, that soul or that spirit that's calling out to you, is you. Is your broader, better self is saying, Hey, you can do more, you are more. But what happens is the belief system that we acquire over the years, starting in childhood

[00:07:41] and as we develop through, and through, you know, social norms, et cetera, religion, we get trapped into these boxes and these identities. These ideologies that ultimately don't liberate us, they don't set us free. And so now you have the, the, the duality or the dichotomy between the spirit or soul that you are and the emotions and the emotional beliefs that you're holding onto.

[00:08:06] So now you have sort of, uh, like a riptide or, or, you know, essentially two currents battling within. And as all of you, I'm sure, have dealt with this one way or another. It is exhausting. It is exhausting to maintain beliefs that are not aligned with the higher self, the higher purpose. So that's sort of in a nutshell,

[00:08:26] Someone Anonymous, are really what's driving the themes and the characters. And they're regular people. One guy worked for UPS, one guy is a bus driver, another guy's in, you know, a high profile lawyer. But they're all struggling, and there are a few other people as well, but they're all struggling from that battle within,

[00:08:45] isn't there more? And the emotions when you get, have emotional pain and turmoil will say, No, there isn't. You just, you have to be stuck in this forever and ever. And that's bullshit because that's something that's learned, a lot of these things are learned. But the spirit is. It's not something to learn, it is something to reveal.

[00:09:07] Because when you pull back the curtain of all these lies that we tell ourselves, these emotions, if you've ever noticed that the mind, the ego is always making up stories. You go to the store and it has just narratives about everyone and everything. Um, oh, the store is going to be busy. Well, is it now?

[00:09:24] Probably not. So it's wrong most of the time, though. That's the problem with listening to that ego driven mind, right? So then you have Charlie Hero. So all these stories really are about dreams and what happens when we're not living our dreams. What happens when we feel stuck. Um, and who do we become? So Charlie Hero is about a writer who is desperate to get his book out there, but he doesn't have a pedigree.

[00:09:51] He doesn't, he doesn't know, he doesn't have connections. And so, but the book is really excellent. Um, so he takes [00:10:00] drastic measures. He's a fifty year old man and he just feels like he's running out of time. And he takes drastic measures to become a bestseller. Um, and it's a way to be seen, right? That's really what people are asking to be is seen.

[00:10:18] What children are asking parents, to see me, acknowledge me, witness who I am. Uh, and then Baseball Dreams and Bikers is what happens when you start getting off the right track. And maybe you start making some bad decisions. And you don't realize you're falling off the track, but others do. And if you don't have the right people around you, will you live that dream?

[00:10:46] Even if you have great potential, will you live that dream? Because there are plenty of people trying to take away what you have. And so it's about a kid who lives in a, you know, is in a family and his parents, you know, are struggling and, um, parents get separated. And he's a great baseball player in high school, has his whole future ahead of him.

[00:11:07] But he starts falling off the track, getting into drugs and, you know, doing the wrong thing. And he doesn't realize this. Um, and he doesn't have people around him to help him, to stop him. But arrives an ex con uncle who just recently gets out of prison, who used to run with gangs. And so I will leave it there.

[00:11:29] So, um, essentially, the kid doesn't like him, but the ex con uncle doesn't care and he sees what's happening. So, I will leave it at that. It's a beautiful family drama, I think. Uh, dynamics. And, you know, where would we be if people were paying attention, if teachers were more aware, if there was more awareness of EQ instead of IQ. Because that's what the education system focuses on is IQ.

[00:11:57] Well, that's fine that you can regurgitate some information, but who are you as a person? Because it's the EQ, your emotional quotient or emotional intelligence, that guides and governs your life. And so that's often what I'm trying to get out is these truths we've been so fixated on. Oh, you can regurgitate math problems or you can regurgitate something that happened in history, and that's great, but that isn't ultimately what is going to govern and direct your life. It is your emotional state. Those emotional beliefs are the ones that are the inner GPS of your life. And if you are struggling emotionally, you most likely are going to fall short of that dream.

[00:12:44] Ed Watters: Yeah, I believe that a hundred percent Doug, uh, Douglas. You know, it's odd that, that crab in the bucket syndrome, you know, when you're trying to get out, they're always clawing at you to

[00:13:01] Douglas Robbins: Yep.

[00:13:01] Ed Watters: keep you in.

[00:13:03] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:13:03] Ed Watters: And the more I talk to individuals on these podcasts, I tend to figure out more and more the displacement that happens within families because of that simple crab in the bucket syndrome. You've got to let go of everything in your past to maintain a bright future for yourself.

[00:13:31] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:13:31] Ed Watters: And I don't mean get rid of everything, I really don't. I mean, you've got to re-examine how you live and how you interact because really influence is how you live. And the people and the places that you choose to be around, that is who you are.

[00:13:55] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:13:55] Ed Watters: So I, I stay out here in the woods anymore because I found myself so eager to please people and, you know, that means so many different things. But that simplicity of just being there to have the excitement can really ruin your life. And if you take the time and find the serenity to examine what and who you truly are, you can really do amazing things with your life.

[00:14:37] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:14:38] Ed Watters: So, your book tends to cover that whole gamut, and family is a big part of that.

[00:14:49] Douglas Robbins: You know, and it's a curious thing. Who are we really committed to? And we're often, we're committed to our spouses, hopefully, committed to our children, Oh, our children needs, you know, something, I got to get that for my kid, you know? Um, but we're often with ourselves,

[00:15:08] we're often committed to the old story. We're often committed to the trauma, to the pain. Well, I can't because of X, I can't because of Y. And this is something that happened whenever, you know, like, it's not happening any longer. It's only happening because we perpetuate this quote unquote truth, which is not a truth,

[00:15:29] it's some interpretation of some event that happened whenever. It doesn't mean that is our definition that defines us. It's, it's, I liken it to this, so like this, often things happen when we're kids and we're developing so that kind of becomes a brick in our foundation, right? And it's very funny though, or strange that we develop this way because it's often counterproductive.

[00:15:56] Um, and it's like, if you bump your knee or skin your knee or something like that, you don't relive it the rest of your life. Yeah, but I skinned my knee. Like, Yeah, okay, you had that happen long ago. You got to heal it, you got to heal the knee. You have to, say, you don't walk around with a broken arm, just go,

[00:16:14] yeah, but my arms broken. No, you take measures to heal these things. So to get back to like, what are we often committed to? We're committed to these old lousy stories that don't set us free, don't help us. Just like, yeah, but I got hurt forty years ago. Okay, great. It sucked that that happened. It sucked that whatever happened, you know, a lot of people go through horrible things and I'm not diminishing that, but that isn't who you are.

[00:16:42] That is something that happened to you. And it might be tragic and horrific, but that is not the definition of you or of who you are. This is not your dream, you were something before that happened. And so we have these opportunities to sort of reset and recommit and say, Do I want this to be my definition?

[00:17:05] Do I want to live my dreams or do I want to always just look for commiseration and how I'm not, and woe is me day after day. Believe me, I've been there for many years. I had lived in that place for, for decades. I don't want to live there anymore because I feel, you know, I'm fifty-two, and I've spent enough time in that darkness, enough time in the woe is me, enough time in the, but I can't get there, I can't do it.

[00:17:32] You know, it's hard to unwind a lot of these beliefs and thoughts, these grooves that we have in, in our brains. It is no small feat. Um, but if you've been telling the story for twenty years, it's going to take you some time to unravel these stories. Um, but there's something better. There's, there's more peace.

[00:17:52] You were mentioning peace in the woods. There's more peace, you know, wherever you are there, you're there with you. And so when you hear these things, you don't have to keep healing them. And you get pieces of your consciousness back, pieces of your energy back, and you get more peace. And you get more peace when you commit to yourself and less worrying about what others are going to say.

[00:18:16] Because again, getting back to that mind and the narrative, the brain doesn't know what the hell it's talking about most of the time. And so, Oh, this person's going to judge me. No one's paying attention to you the way you're paying attention to you. No, they're focused on their crap. They're not focused on your crap.

[00:18:35] Ed Watters: That's, that's a big part of the story right there to set yourself free. When, when we start examining what is really taking place in our world. A lot of the times people are stuck themselves and this causes bitterness and bitterness causes chaos.

[00:18:56] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:18:56] Ed Watters: And that tires you out and then you can't function properly because you're spinning on so much emotion.

[00:19:06] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:19:06] Ed Watters: Really setting yourself free is, number one, caring about yourself. Because if you can't care about yourself first, you can't care about anybody else. And that's true with helping. If you cannot help yourself, you cannot help somebody else.

[00:19:28] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:19:28] Ed Watters: And that's not a dish on anybody, that's just how it truly is. Because we're conditioned to believe that by you giving your all, you're helping. Not necessarily. You know, if you're giving your all to an unreceptive individual that's not ready to receive, we're spinning our own wheels, we're wasting time.

[00:19:59] And [00:20:00] that's when that separation occurs. And I have this muddy shoe theory that I often reflect back to. Life and living it is a muddy trail, we're a shoe going down this trail. What happens to a shoe is it gathers a bunch of mud and mud can get heavy.

[00:20:25] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:20:25] Ed Watters: And if we don't scrape that mud off once in a while, we're going to tire out a lot quicker in life and our life's journey is going to end before the end of the path. So understanding that people, places, and things, that's this mud that we gather. That good mud, it's going to stick with you, it's going to be in the sole of your shoe. And that mud that you have to wipe off. I hope that it gets picked up and brought down the trail on somebody else's shoe and maybe we can see that mud again, you know? But life is just like that muddy shoe theory, wipe the mud off and keep going. Don't let the mud tire you out.

[00:21:21] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:21:21] Ed Watters: And determining this is setting boundaries for ourselves. And if we don't set boundaries and adhere to them, again, we're spinning our wheels. So it's all about taking charge of our own life, our own condition. And that means learning who we truly are. Turning the mirror to us before we start gouging at other people's faults and failures.

[00:21:55] Douglas Robbins: Yeah, I'd love to pick up on a couple of those points because you make, it's so imperative some of these ideas. Uh, and the first is helping others, right? We often, people often, I think, feel so eradicated that they can't help themselves. It's too ugly, too dark, too, too mysterious, too crazy in there, but they help others. And I've seen this often, I think with women, perhaps this happens, um, that they kind of neglect themselves to help whomever else because they're loving, and they're kind, and, and, but you can also deplete yourself, right?

[00:22:36] When you're always just helping others and not helping yourself. And it's easier to help others because when you look at yourself and go, Oh my God, I have all these issues, shut it down, going to help someone else instead. But that obviously doesn't help you and maybe that other person doesn't, you know, isn't as receptive. But nevertheless,

[00:22:55] we have to get back to ourselves and healing ourselves. And this is, you just hit the nail on the head, is our boundaries. And, you know, you hear the term boundaries and people don't really know what they mean, right? You think of physical boundaries. Oh, this guy, he's five feet for me. Okay, now he's three feet already.

[00:23:15] He's too close, he's in my personal space. But emotional boundaries once again, are the things that govern us. So, if we're not honoring ourselves, you're not honoring a boundary. And if you're holding on to the pain, the doubts, the, the, the, the, the lack of self image or lack of self care, anybody who says things that hit that trigger point,

[00:23:40] because you haven't healed it yet, so you don't have a boundary around you, people can come in and say even something small and that hits your wound because you haven't healed, because there's no boundary, you go kaboom. And, and this is where we say and do things we regret because now we're not acting consciously.

[00:24:06] It's more of an unconscious response, an autopilot sort of emotional trigger. We are not in control, we are in fight or flight. And so we have to address these boundaries. I will accept this, I will not accept this. But we start, it starts with ourselves. And once you hear these things, you're creating, um, strength or walls around you that everything just doesn't get in and hit all your weak spots, your wounds, because now you, you understand.

[00:24:43] So again, to get back to what I was saying is, who are we committed to? If you are not committing to yourself, you're committing to the wounds. And that means you're committing to other people getting in and hurting you, basically. And so the boundaries are so key because now you understand the difference between who you are

[00:25:05] and who they are, judgments and whomever else. Um, you know, you might have, uh, I have a sister and, um, she's very opinionated and she will get right in there and tell me her opinions vociferously. And it's like an attack, it feels like an attack sometimes. And I have to say, Whoa, like, I appreciate your, your ideas, but I can make my own decisions here. And so, when we don't have these boundaries, and the emotional healing, and the awareness, people can run roughshod over us and will all day long because we don't have

[00:25:47] Ed Watters: That is so true.

[00:25:48] Douglas Robbins: the strength, the muscle to stop it.

[00:25:54] Ed Watters: That, that's so true, Douglas, and, you know, finding that emotional grit, it really does take time.

[00:26:03] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:26:04] Ed Watters: You know, I'm well beyond fifty now, but, uh, when I hit fifty is when I really started truly learning that.

[00:26:14] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:26:15] Ed Watters: I, I was really a people pleaser before that. And I did not really take account of, I needed to please myself first so I could be real. And, and that is so devastating at first when you realize, I'm not being real. And when you truly flip that switch and you say, This is no longer going to affect me this way, and I'm going to handle it in a different way. And I'm talking about these emotional struggles that we all face. You know, we, we tend to explode because we don't have our emotional intelligence in line with what our physical intelligence

[00:27:10] is supposed to be portraying to the world. So, if those two are out of balance, our emotional and our physical, we're really, again, spinning our wheels in life. And that's when truth will set you free. And if you understand and are able to take your own hurtful criticism, because it's gonna hurt when we look at ourself and say, I don't like that part about me.

[00:27:47] Well, it's only yourself that can change that. You can mask and try to pretend all you want. But you're only who you are and you can't be anybody else no matter how much we pretend. And I, I think a lot of people in our world today, they are pretending and when they get confronted with truth, they get hostile.

[00:28:18] Douglas Robbins: Sure.

[00:28:19] Ed Watters: And,

[00:28:20] Douglas Robbins: Because you're challenging their beliefs. Yeah.

[00:28:22] Ed Watters: That's correct.

[00:28:24] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:28:24] Ed Watters: So how are we going to change this in our world and go back to a more emotional intelligence based world? Because it wasn't like this, you know, twenty years ago, thirty years ago, people had some grit to them and they could actually hold up in situations a little bit better than what I'm witnessing today.

[00:28:52] Douglas Robbins: Well, a loaded topic. So, you know, people pleasing is natural, right? When you're with your parents, when you're growing, you are designed conditionally to try to please them because you get a positive response then, right? So now you get kind of programmed of, okay, I'm doing right by mommy and daddy, they're rewarding me here.

[00:29:18] They didn't like this other behavior so maybe I'll keep that hidden from them. And over here, so you get conditional responses. And so people often start living conditional love, right? If I'm a good boy and I do the dishes, or I'm a good boy and I do this, or I do whatever, you, your ego is doing it so you're safe.

[00:29:44] So it keeps you safe cause you know, Oh, if I do the dishes, Oh, my wife will, will praise me or whatever it is. So, you know, like, whatever that might be. But again, who are [00:30:00] you being committed to? This is now an external, because you're looking for an external response, right? It's not, I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do.

[00:30:09] I want to do the dishes because my wife is working till eight tonight. That's very different than I'm, I'm a child needing, um, reward. And the reward is good boy, you did good, I still love you, I still love you. Now the opposite, what if you don't do the dishes and your wife's like, What, what the hell? Like, then that little boy's like, Oh, no, I'm in trouble now,

[00:30:35] right? So we're looking, you know, when you're doing the people pleasing thing, it's safe, right? It feels safer because you can kind of guess, sometimes, if I act in certain ways, so I'll get a positive response. But often we, we, we go down these roads and we lose ourselves. And then the person that we're with doesn't even like us because they think we're so, uh, spineless if we become all this because now we're just people pleasing, right?

[00:31:08] Who can I please next? What do they want? And it's, it's exhausting when we do this. Because again, the brain is creating all these stories of what do I need to do to stay safe? But you're not safe. You're insulating that wound and that wound is, I'm not worthwhile, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable unless I act in these ways.

[00:31:33] Well, that's not why you're lovable. You might be more likable if you act in those ways, more considerate of others, et cetera. And so, like, we all struggle through this to whatever degree. Um, and I think I used to do that when I was married years ago. Okay, if I do the dishes, that kid will need, we'll get basically a pat on the back,

[00:31:58] good job. Luckily, I've been able to heal and grow through this. It's like, now I will do them not for a reward or for acknowledgement, I'll do it because I'm helping. That's the intent behind it, I'm helping. I'm not doing because I'm hiding. But, so that's natural for people to want to, you know, people want to be in groups, right?

[00:32:23] Groups are where everyone kind of approves. We all think the same, you know, group thinking, right? Um, or we'll address this fifty years ago, sixty years ago. Um, but you know, the twenty, thirty years, I mean, what does that mark? It demarcates social media and the internet. You know, people are looking at, the interesting thing about algorithms is it feeds you whatever you're looking for. So if you're looking for,

[00:32:49] Ed Watters: Right.

[00:32:50] Douglas Robbins: you know, hate groups, or right, right wing hate groups, you're going to find them. You're going to find like mindedness, you're going to find, you know, the narrative you're seeking. And this narrative is the election was stolen, this person's evil, they eat babies. Like all these crazy things like, um,

[00:33:08] so you can find anything you're looking for. And, you know, everyone's got an axe to grind on social media, on websites, with reviews, um, trollers, et cetera. And there's so much, you know, twenty, thirty years ago, before, let's just say before the internet, you had, you know, maybe ,uh, cable TV, whatever. Before that, there was just, you know, network stations.

[00:33:34] So you didn't have all this incited divisiveness, right? Now you have stoking of the fires. And that's why I wrote this piece recently, uh, called Misinformation and, and, uh, Freedom of Speech. Because freedom of speech, the first amendment was not designed to manipulate the public and not designed to create chaos in the nation. It was initially designed for freedom of religion so you could pursue whatever religious aspects you want and to protect the media or, you know, the news, if you will.

[00:34:12] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:34:12] Douglas Robbins: That's essentially what it was about, for people to gather. It was not so you could destroy the nation with falsehoods, to have people pitted against each other. I think it was designed to liberate people instead of, uh, imprison people the way it has more recently. Uh, and it's difficult for people to know the difference between fake news and real news because you have a bazillion websites that claim X Y Z, you don't know if they're legitimate or not legitimate.

[00:34:45] Um, and it's very hard for the brain to sort of differentiate what is. So, you know, thirty, forty years ago, you could have people on opposing sides have a discussion. But they also weren't filled with all of this kind of chaotic, quote unquote, information or misinformation that's fueling their fire. And now they're coming to the table incensed and angry at each other. You're killing us, you're killing, you know, you didn't have that. I mean, even if you had

[00:35:17] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:35:17] Douglas Robbins: different sets of news, you didn't, it wasn't inciting the way it is now. Violence, January 6, you know, uh, et cetera. So you have a lot of bad stuff happening, bad stuff. I don't care what side anybody is on, really doesn't matter to me. Um, if you're coming at it with integrity, and if you're informed, don't really care beyond that. It's really not that different. Um, but you know, that's really what it has to come back to is integrity, not your wound being hit by this quote unquote news. And therefore now you're going to rage

[00:35:56] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:35:56] Douglas Robbins: at someone because your wound has been hit by some story that was told to you that's full of shit anyway. So again, to

[00:36:04] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:36:04] Douglas Robbins: get back to EQ,

[00:36:05] Ed Watters: That's good.

[00:36:05] Douglas Robbins: you need to start teaching EQ in school and how to heal. How, for kids to heal who have been abused and the like. Things that you've suffered when one parent leaves or abandonment. I mean, these are things that are very serious and plague the mind, plague how someone develops. So, if you have a safe environment for healing, you can change the face of society. And also, I think there needs to be some sort of regulation on what is called news. You can't just say everything is news when it's not news. It's opinion half the time. Well, opinion is not news.

[00:36:48] Ed Watters: That's right, that's right.

[00:36:50] Douglas Robbins: So these, these are differences. You know, they did it with music, they did it with movies. It didn't hurt anybody that the movie is an R as opposed to a PG 13. That's good, now my daughter's not watching slasher films or something. You know, I don't have a problem with that. I think this is what government can do well if they do it well. Um, so, you know, to me, there has, people have to understand, okay, I'm watching a show and it says opinion. Okay, my brain can understand what that means. But if no one is saying otherwise, and everything is news, we're in a bad spot.

[00:37:28] Ed Watters: Yeah. That's, that's so true, Douglas. You know, censorship, you know, nobody likes censorship,

[00:37:35] Douglas Robbins: Sure.

[00:37:36] Ed Watters: but if we go back in our own history, the television stations always censored what went out to the people.

[00:37:47] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:37:48] Ed Watters: It's part of the process. And there's this process of cleaning it up that they used to take, and they don't do that like they used to. And television is kind of a thing of the past anyway, but now it's ran rampant on the internet. And, you know, you've got, like you stated, all of these different medias out there. You know, The Onion, let's throw that one out there.

[00:38:25] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:38:26] Ed Watters: There's, there's these news organizations that are satire

[00:38:32] Douglas Robbins: Right.

[00:38:32] Ed Watters: and they come across as news and that's very dangerous because there are people out there that don't take the time to censor what they're looking at themselves. They take what they see as

[00:38:50] Douglas Robbins: Critical thinking is, is not so common, yeah.

[00:38:52] Ed Watters: Yeah, that's, that's very true.

[00:38:55] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:38:55] Ed Watters: So, when we're dealing with such an easy way to consume information without the ability to have that critical thought pattern, we, we are living in strange times that's for sure. But I watched the debate yesterday, you know, some of it because I couldn't find it. It was hard for me to actually find the debate. Because I want to know what people are talking about on both sides.

[00:39:36] Douglas Robbins: Sure.

[00:39:36] Ed Watters: And you know, there's not a lot of people that can look at both sides and say that person's doing well, that person's not. Both sides, Democrat and Republican, they're flawed. You know, we're human, we're flawed. And that's not to be critical of [00:40:00] anybody, it's human nature. So, going back to that natural thing you were talking about, it's a social pattern that we fall into. It's, it's people like you and me that are out there trying to make people aware of this. And I remember when the internet came online and as it advanced and you had these chat rooms going.

[00:40:34] Douglas Robbins: Oh, right.

[00:40:35] Ed Watters: And there was a chat room for audio called Fireside, I believe it was, or Firechat, something like that. I remember just listening to people and myself yell at each other because they disagreed with each other. And this is very important because it comes up to what you were just talking about, people having the ability to be there, and we've never had that ability before. People my age, so we weren't conditioned as well as these kids nowadays. They're growing up in this stuff. So it's interesting to me where this is going and if people like yourself, myself, and I know a lot of others out there trying to keep awareness and integrity in our world today

[00:41:43] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:41:43] Ed Watters: because we're not finding it enough. And witnessing the debate last night, what I caught of it, I'm seeing people waking up to some of these harming effects that are really plaguing our world today. Our Constitution is very valuable. I'm not against Trump. I'll tell you, I don't like what Trump did during this January 6th crap. It's alarming to me.

[00:42:25] And, you know, I voted for Trump on the second term and, and that's because I did not want what's happening now in our world. So it's hard to find a balance when you're partisan. And I really think our world needs to slide back into a balanced non partisan discussion. And we can find these common grounds that will move us forward because we're falling back and that's dangerous.

[00:43:06] We're, we're finding regulations sliding on us. We're finding the world crumbling around us that it took years to advance the world into a, you know, somewhat civilized world. We don't want to go back to the Dark Ages, the World Wars. This is not going to fix anything. It's dangerous where we are in our world today. And if people are afraid to talk about how they feel, it's going to get even worse. So I'm not a Trumpster, I'm not a Bidener, I'm an American and I care deeply about the American people

[00:43:59] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:43:59] Ed Watters: that really are being affected by childish games that are being played in Washington.

[00:44:08] Douglas Robbins: Okay, so most people, most people want to do the right thing, right?

[00:44:17] Ed Watters: Right.

[00:44:17] Douglas Robbins: It doesn't matter who you are. Most people, you know, have kindness in their hearts. They have love, they care about their families, they care about the earth, the environment around them, clean water. You know, most people, it doesn't matter where you are, what country you're from, everyone is fairly similar in that way.

[00:44:34] You might have different beliefs, uh, and maybe your beliefs are skewing that. Um, but in general, most people are good people and want to do the right thing. We have a decay going on. A major deterioration of our values and who we are as Americans, uh, who our nation is. And it's in part because of this, this, you know, um, you know, pointing the finger, all this made up stuff and all this, you know, vitriol, um, because it plays everywhere,

[00:45:07] right? Back in the day, you would just read it in the newspaper. It happened two days ago. You know, that's very different than, than the twenty-four hour, you can videotape, you know, all this stuff and see it happening live or whatever. Um, so that, that's a problem. And that's part of what I'm trying to get out with the whole freedom of speech or First Amendment is, that's, that's creating, um, a decadence or deterioration in this society.

[00:45:33] Second is, we're losing our innocence. Our kids are losing their innocence, um, they're so connected to so much of this noise. You know, I didn't grow up with noise. I grew up, you know, even before cable, I think, came around when I was, you know, early teens or something like that. But, um, so I would go to the woods and, and, you know, it's funny, if you extract yourself or extricate yourself from your phone, from the computer, nothing has really changed. You know, the world hasn't really changed. I mean, yes, people are nuttier, um, and you see how they're crazier. Than you, you know, you didn't used to know how crazy people were. Now you can see how crazy people are.

[00:46:21] Ed Watters: That's true.

[00:46:22] Douglas Robbins: Um, but you know, like if you take, if you remove yourself from all the noise, which is not easy, but, you know, you're still the same simple person. But, you know, you have the deterioration of values, um, and you have innocence lost. Now, censorship, it's a strange word, really, in a way. Like, do I want my kid hearing F bombs left and right, and nudity, and all these things? Is that what freedom of speech is? No, I don't think that has anything to do with freedom of speech. Not in that regard. Um, you can't go into a, into a movie theater and yell fire, same reason.

[00:47:03] Ed Watters: Right.

[00:47:03] Douglas Robbins: There has to be some guidelines as far as what should be said and, and when and to what extent. And so like, that's the thing. It's like, you can't just say anything and everything because then nothing has any meaning whatsoever. That means a judge then in court can say, Yeah, I don't like the color of your skin. I'm going to send you to, to prison for twenty years. But I didn't do anything? Yeah, I'm just gonna make up some crap then. You can have a cop doing that. You can have anybody, if, if, if actual facts and truth doesn't mean anything, which in this bubble, it doesn't. That is the absolute decay of society,

[00:47:44] Ed Watters: Yep

[00:47:44] Douglas Robbins: absolute decay. And to ask you, you know, you, you say, you know, People want change, they want whatever. The establishment doesn't, can, I can curse, right? I think I've cursed a few times, but

[00:47:56] Ed Watters: Yep.

[00:47:57] Douglas Robbins: the establishment doesn't give a fuck about your progress. They don't give a fuck if you're doing well, they don't give a fuck if you're safe or if you have good healthcare. They don't care about you, they don't care about me. Some of them might, but the establishment, the oil industry, the healthcare industry, you know, all these industries, they're holding on for dear life. Because, oh my God, if you move away from combustibles, if you move away from oil, and let's say you go to, what are they going to control?

[00:48:33] They can't control things then. If you have ,uh, solar, you know, if you have ,uh, wind, you know, uh, on your property, what are they going to do? Go to every house and, no, they can't do anything. They lose their power. And if healthcare goes, if it ever, God, you know, God willing, goes to a more universal because right now it is so corrupt. And how it's making its money and how it's, you know, bleeding people to death financially and physically, this is the, this is the true nature of the establishment.

[00:49:07] The establishment isn't sitting around going, Yeah, you know, I really want progress for people. I really want people to make more money. No, they're saying, and Mitch McConnell's even said it, we can't have people making more money. We can't have them basically free. If they have more money, they'll be more free and they won't be the cogs in the wheel basically that we need them to be. While the establishment keeps paying no taxes for the most part, you know, siphoning off, Jon Stewart said something brilliant recently,

[00:49:38] and I've been saying this for years is, is, Big business is for profit or capitalistic when it comes to profit. But when it comes to losses, they're as socialized as anything can be. Oh, they'll take another handout, oh, they'll take another tax break, they'll take all of this. I don't hear them complain about that.[00:50:00]

[00:50:00] So we have a lot of our principles all screwed up. Of what should be, what isn't. The country was doing way better when big corporations, wealthy people were paying taxes, legitimately paying taxes. Our infrastructure is crumbling because we can't, the middle class and the poor can't pay for all this. We already have less and less.

[00:50:25] Look at inflation. I mean, money, we're not making more money. We're paying more money. So you have all this, the housing industry, you know, everything across the board. So it does change with you and I and grassroots. And yes, it can change from the top, sure. But when you're safe and comfortable, what are you going to change?

[00:50:50] You're not going to say, Oh, trickle down economics doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work, it's never worked. It was a lie. And the guy who even perpetuated it was Reagan's, um, um, financial minister said it was a lie then and it's still a lie. And so fundamental changes have to take place in ideology and in the application of it because,

[00:51:16] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:51:16] Douglas Robbins: you know, whether you believe in climate change or not, look around, the earth is changing, you know? And if you know, like, we'll leave it at that regarding that. But, you know, like, all we can do once again is bring our best selves, to not hide them anymore. But when we stay in hiding, we stay in fear. So we all must find that courage. And it's not usually judgment around us, it's the judgment within us that we have to wrestle with. That's what imprisons us.

[00:51:51] Ed Watters: That's big. Yeah, that's big right there. But, you know, a lot of the times you'll actually find unity in a lot of individuals that you speak with, if you're willing to speak with them, instead of judge them or try to coerce them.

[00:52:11] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:52:12] Ed Watters: Because back to those opinions, we all have them. So, what matters is not my opinion. It's the truth that guides, what operates in our world. Truth is the only thing that matters. And, you know, a lot of people are wishy washy on truth, you know? No, truth is truth. Truth is solid, it can't be changed.

[00:52:39] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:52:39] Ed Watters: And once you find that, there is no structure that can move it. So

[00:52:49] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:52:50] Ed Watters: we really have to

[00:52:51] Douglas Robbins: Look at the guys who are trying to whitewash history, right?

[00:52:54] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:52:55] Douglas Robbins: Right.

[00:52:55] Ed Watters: Exactly.

[00:52:56] Douglas Robbins: Don't tell, don't teach my kids this, you know, all these things. So they try to keep eliminating things because they're afraid of it.

[00:53:04] Ed Watters: That's the danger.

[00:53:05] Douglas Robbins: Right. Absolutely.

[00:53:07] Ed Watters: So, you know, I, I'm, I'm well aware that America has done some horrific things in the past. And, you know, it's really only when you acknowledge that, that you can actually understand where we have to move forward. You know, no country is perfect. But bottom line, because of the structure in America, I can honestly truly say we're still the best country out there. When this beacon of hope and freedom goes away, we're back in the dark ages because we're the only thing keeping that playing field

[00:53:57] a little level. So, and you can see all around the world right now, people are picking at that. They're trying to crumble it, and they are trying to divide the people inside America. Divisions will crumble, unity will make it solid. So, we are united in many ways. That's where we have to actually guide the detractors in our world today.

[00:54:31] It used to be we had to worry about our own little corner of the world, that's not the case anymore. It's global whether we want it to be or not. So we have to mentally and physically prepare ourselves for that new world. It's continuous change and if we don't change with it, we're going to be eaten by it. So, and it's up to us to step forward from the very bottom and say, This isn't acceptable. I reminisce back to the little, uh, Tiananmen, uh, Square in China, when the guy stood in front of the tank.

[00:55:24] Douglas Robbins: I know.

[00:55:25] Ed Watters: Enough said right there.

[00:55:27] Douglas Robbins: Yep. Gives me chills whenever I think about it. Yep.

[00:55:31] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:55:32] Douglas Robbins: Yeah.

[00:55:34] Ed Watters: So Douglas, do you have anything else you want to talk about? Add to?

[00:55:38] Douglas Robbins: Aliens.

[00:55:42] Ed Watters: Give me the, give me the alien question.

[00:55:46] Douglas Robbins: No, no. Um, no, it's always great speaking with you because, you know, where do you get to have raw and honest conversations without

[00:55:57] Ed Watters: That's right.

[00:55:57] Douglas Robbins: bickering, without judgment? You know, we have different, you know, differences in ways, but we're obviously similar in many ways. Again, I think most people, some people don't want to think. I get that, it's scary to think. There's a great line, I don't

[00:56:11] Ed Watters: Yeah.

[00:56:11] Douglas Robbins: remember who said it, Most people don't want to think, they'd rather, um, Most people are scared to think, that's why they judge.

[00:56:22] Ed Watters: Ah, yeah, that's a good one.

[00:56:26] Douglas Robbins: So no, it's been great speaking with you, I mean, um, if people want to find me, they can find me @ douglasrobbinsauthor. com. If you sign up for, uh, the email, you'll find out more about upcoming books. So the one, Baseball Dreams and Bikers coming out actually two months from today on 10/ 24. I think it's probably one of the best books I've written so far. So I'm pretty excited about it. Um, and you can find my podcast there also. And you also get a free story if you, if you sign up with your email.

[00:56:55] Ed Watters: It's always a pleasure speaking with you because it's actually hard to find somebody that converses in the right way. You know, they're not afraid to speak how they feel. It's uncommon anymore. And people like you, me, and several others, we're trying to bring that back. And I I sure do appreciate that from you, Douglas. Thank you.

[00:57:23] Douglas Robbins: Thank you. You know, there's one last thing and the word is accountability that keeps popping into my head.

[00:57:28] Ed Watters: Yes.

[00:57:29] Douglas Robbins: Are we being accountable to ourselves, to our children, to, you know, to a higher purpose, to truth, to love? It's so easy to fall into the trap of hate and anger, right? I blame everyone for my problems, you know? So you got to take stock in yourself, you got to be accountable with yourself, and you have to find a way to love because that's ultimately what we're here for.

[00:57:56] Ed Watters: Amen. That's a good way to close this out, Douglas. One more time, what's your website?

[00:58:03] Douglas Robbins: Uh, douglasrobbinsauthor.com, with two bs.

[00:58:07] Ed Watters: All right. Douglas, I want to say thank you for being part of the Dead America Podcast today.

[00:58:13] Douglas Robbins: Thank you, my friend. Always a pleasure.

[00:58:18] Ed Watters: Thank you for joining us today. If you found this podcast enlightening, entertaining, educational in any way, please share, like, subscribe, and join us right back here next week for another great episode of Dead America Podcast. I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoy your afternoon wherever you may be.